


The Civil Wars

by Jomarch05



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Mild Angst, Romance, The Coldplay Anthology sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-09-22 05:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9584699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jomarch05/pseuds/Jomarch05
Summary: Set eight years after The Coldplay Anthology,. Quinn's working as a Detective for the Special Victims Unit and Rachel's paying her dues on Broadway. They're married and crazy in love even if Rachel does not approve of Quinn's job and Quinn's worried that her choices will finally tear them apart.





	1. From This Valley Pt 1

**The Civil Wars - From This Valley Part 1**

**_Oh the outcast dreams of acceptance_  
** Just to find pure love's embrace  
Like an orphan longs for its mother  
May you hold me in your grace 

**_Oh won't you take me from this valley_  
** To that mountain high above  
Oh I will pray, pray, pray till I see your smiling face  
I will pray, pray, pray to the one that I love 

**  
New York, Manhattan, 6th Precinct, Special Victims Squad, 15.12 pm**

"Hey, Fabray...you're wanted down at interrogation. They brought in the Father. He's in the box..." Quinn nods at Gutierrez as she takes a deep breath, cantering her thoughts and schooling her expression. She knows that she needs to appear unbiased even if she knows deep down that he's guilty and her best bet is to get a confession.

She can hear Rachel's voice in her head, soft whispers as the words caress her ear, telling her to breathe in and out and that she had this. Quinn never had any misgivings nor illusions about her job even if Rachel was always going to be a bit uncomfortable with it. It was never a life long dream like Rachel had but it was still a calling of sorts even if she only realized it at Yale.

Her mom had been so proud that she had been accepted into the graduate program of the Department of Psychology, expecting her to excel in clinical psychology and get a job in academia or one of the private hospitals. It had been her practicum training that finally gave her clarity and the impetus to switch from clinical psychology to social and personality psychology.

She had so many offers even then and took the exams in secret, never expecting to get in until she actually did. The spectacular fight with Rachel when she showed her the acceptance for the New York Police Academy almost derailing all their plans. But Rachel had surprised her, not leaving even if her bags had been packed and were by the door. She had actually sat down just because Quinn said please. She had listened to Quinn's words, her hands clasped in front of her, fingers worrying over her smooth knuckles, making Quinn reach out automatically.

Four hours of words and tears and a fragmenting heart And they had come to an impasse of sorts. When she was younger, it would have signified the end, a good run of years of being together and maybe it was time to move on. But Rachel was always going to be the one for her. She had made so many mistakes early on in High School, pushing the brunette away, overlaying her inadequacies with false bravado and cruelty.

Each and every experience moulding her and giving her the skills to be better, to finally do good in her own way. The work allowing her to make a difference in people's lives and to protect those who could not protect themselves. She had been lucky because Rachel never gave up on her, she had saved her, was still saving her. And Quinn felt compelled to help and Rachel had acquiesced.

So, even if it was something that would eventually pry them apart, Quinn's steadfast in her love and belief in Rachel and for her, that was always going to be enough. And a year on from that, Rachel had been in the front row as she got her third grade detective shield. Clapping her hands until they were red, tears in her eyes that signified pride but unfortunately also fear.

Quinn pushes all those thoughts to the back of her mind before she grabs the coffee cup and the file and makes her way down to the catacombs and hopefully her third conviction in the four months since she started.

"You ready?" Steve Chen was a veteran at the 6th. A decorated vet and police sergeant who also headed the LBGT coalition for the precinct. Quinn nods but does not return his smile before she enters the room first, her eyes on the suspect as she takes the seat farthest from the door, her hands clasps in front of her on the table and her cross glinting around her neck. She can see that Mr Bannon take note of it and keeps quiet as Steve goes through the formalities of his right to silence and Counsel before introducing both of them.

"Mr Bannon, would you like a cup of coffee before we begin?" Quinn keeps her voice low, soothing as she starts, her technique still raw but it seems to be working as the man nods slowly. Steve, taking the cue and hurrying out to grab two coffees as Quinn leans back in her chair, her shoulders relaxing as she sips from the cup she had brought.

She leans forward again only after Steve returns and hands the suspect a cup. Her words timed to when Mr Bannon takes a sip from his cup, knowing that the coffee is too hot and the man will burn his tongue and be distracted by that. "Mr Bannon, can you tell us what happened to Priscilla? You were the last one to see her before the attack. Anything you can tell us will help your children's babysitter..."

His mouth curls from the burn but his eyes narrow at her question, "I told that police officer before, I dropped her off a few blocks from her place and she turned down the alley and I drove off. I didn't see her after that." his tone not defensive but there's that underlying smugness that Quinn picks up on.

"She was attacked from behind on her way to church." Quinn flips through the file, more for show as she had memorized most of the details. "Did you see anyone suspicious when you dropped her off? Anything that looked unusual?" Again timing the question just as he sips his coffee.

He shakes his head instead of answering and Steve dives in to ask the next question, already getting into the rhythm Quinn had set, "You've known Priscilla since she was fourteen, right? She's been your babysitter for four years?"

"Yeah..So?" His fingers are pinching the top of the cup but his voice remains conversational. "We go to the same church." His eyes glance at Quinn, trying to highlight that he's like her and nods when she smiles, her hand going to the cross around her neck.

Quinn thinks she has forge a tentative connection which she can hopefully exploit, "Even christians make mistakes..." her voice still low, her eyes not on him but on the wall behind. "Did you make a mistake, Mr Bannon?" She sees his head bowed and thinks that they may have a shot, only when he looks at her, she sees cold grey eyes and a predatory look that sends chills up her spine.

"No...and I want my lawyer now...My wife is cooking my favorite dinner and I want to be home in time for it."

"We just have a few more que.."

"Detective Fabray, I think we're done here." She hates that Steve had used that tone, like she had stepped out of line, like she had blown the interrogation. She knows she's probably overtly sensitive about it and he was just doing his job in protecting the rookie but it still rankled. She does not look back as she hurries to the stairwell, only stopping when she hears her name.

"Fabray."

Steve hopes that she will learn to grow that armor around her that will allow her to put up with the horrors of the job and still see the good in what she was accomplishing. He knows she's smart, graduate degree from Yale and a wife that was an up and coming actress on Broadway. But he can also see that she's fraying around the edges, her smile too tight and each setback this early in her career just chipping away at her. "You did well in there."

"He asked for his lawyer in less than ten minutes.." The frustration seeping through as she tucks the errant strands of her hair behind her ear. "The victim can't id him but she said that she had smelled that cologne...that the words he said had been similar to words he had uttered to her when he had been drunk one time.."

"Cologne you can buy at any drug store and she can't id him or confirm his voice. Its less than circumstantial.." He's at least relieved that she's distancing herself from the victim and not using her name. "Talk to the crime techs again. Maybe they found something more in that alley." It's a long shot and most likely they were not going to get a conviction for the case. He sees her nod even though he can see that like him, she knows they have nothing.

She had only ever learnt patience for Rachel. Its a trait she knows she needs but one she can't master though she was going to try for her sanity as much as practice for Rachel. She does talk to the techs to no avail and spends the rest of the time typing up the report of the interrogation and downs her third cup of coffee before she sees Mr Bannon walking through the hallway, his lawyer in tow.

She thinks she's being discreet as she tails him and parks down the street when he exits his car and enters his house. So she's a bit surprised when he knocks on her window, half an hour later, approaching from the passenger side and catching her by surprise.

"Detective Fabray, isn't it? The Christian cop?" There's derision in his tone but Quinn just smiles and nods.

"Mr Bannon." Her tone, civil even as her hand fists at her side.

"Why are you wasting your time here when you could be out there catching that horrible person who hurt Priscilla? Broke her arm, gave her a concussion and nearly raped her...isn't that awful." Its the smile that unnerves her. Like he's chatting about the weather or college ball. No emotion on his face and teeth shining through the smarmy smile.

"I'm going to catch him." She's been sure of only a few things in her life, numbering on one hand, her choice of career; her mom's love for her, Puck, Santana and Britt's lifelong friendship, her love for bacon and most of all her love and faith in Rachel. But she was also absolutely sure of her statement because she knows he wants to be caught. His personality disorder driving his behavior and she was going to catch him.

He smiles again, "You're not going to find anything on me here." as he strolls over to her side and leans on her car, "You're wasting you're time but you're still a rookie, right? Wet behind the ears..thinking that I'm going to just give you the evidence..letting the real criminals go free while you harass me..You should run along..little girl..maybe let that Sergeant of yours,do the real work."

Her eyes glint with anger, flint reflecting in the hazel as she stares him down unblinking, one hand tight on the steering wheel and the other still in a fist by her side, but Bannon's grin only gets wider.

"You want to hit me, don't you?" His tone now cold and taunting as he glances at her fisted hand. "Go ahead...I won't tell if you don't."

And Quinn lashes out, her left hand hitting the side of the dash as her knuckles split and hurting like hell but she finally sees surprise and underlying unease on Bannon's face. She does not give him the satisfaction of seeing her in pain as starts the car, not even waiting for him to make way before driving off, already regretting her actions but praying that maybe she was a little bit closer to catching the asshole.

**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 21.48 pm**

Quinn feels so tired, like the ache deep in her bones have added weight but she still trudges up the stairs, knowing that she will find comfort soon. The red door on the fifth floor, always a welcoming sight though the dark that greets her as she opens the door is not.

"Rachel" her voice still rough but hopeful as she really needed to see Rachel, though her hopes fade when she registers the quietness, the loft is not small but even in the dark, she can view the length and breath of its loneliness. She shrugs off her jacket, the Sig Sauer P228 in her shoulder holster, always hanging heavy by her side. She knows that Rachel does not like to see it, always trying and failing to hide her shudder each time Quinn unbuckles it and her smile only returning after the gun goes into the lock box.

Its always been the first thing Quinn does, despite how bad a day she's had, even that one time when she had come home with a fractured arm, bruises down her side and her left eye swollen shut. Only after that ritual, does her shoulders relax as her hand goes to the tie in her hair to pull it out and she wanders into the kitchen area, trying to figure out what she could make that would take her mind off her spectacularly shitty day. Even though she knows its been all of her own making, from ruining the interrogation to getting made at Bannon's place.

She raids the freezer for the ice pack that Rachel always has in there. Initially meant for the aches the brunette endured after dance rehearsals but now mostly used for Quinn and her litany of bruises that she seemed to attract from the physical training for the job. Quinn hisses as she washes the blood off her swollen knuckles and wraps a towel and the pack around her hand. She finally gives up her pipe dream of cooking and pulling open the drawer with the take out menus.

The note in there finally eliciting the first smile of the day from her as she takes it with her right hand, reverently holding it up, lavender paper, thick and patterned with stars.

_'I'm missing you right now. Its like this ache that burns and sizzles and I hope you have a really good day at work because I may be late tonight and if you didn't have a good day, know that I love you and miss you and will hurry home. Love always, Rachel. P.S. There's a new vegan place that delivers on 42nd street."_

Maybe they were still at the same impasse they were 2 years ago, barely moving forward and only bound by that once in a lifetime love. Maybe it wasn't good to be scared to come home each day, praying that the apartment would not be empty but it was just another ritual for her, like putting her gun away. An acceptance of how things were for them now and all she needed was patience as Rachel would always come back because Rachel was her home.

 **End Part 1**  



	2. From This Valley Pt 2

**The Civil Wars - From This Valley Pt 2**

_**Oh the caged bird dreams of a strong wind** _  
_**That will flow beneath her wings** _  
_**Like a voice longs for a melody** _  
_**Oh Jesus, carry me** _

_**Oh won't you take me from this valley** _  
_**To that mountain high above** _  
_**Oh I will pray, pray, pray till I see your smiling face** _  
_**I will pray, pray, pray to the one that I love** _

_**Oh I will pray, pray, pray till I see your smiling face** _

  
_**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 6.06am** _

The bed is warm and better yet, Quinn is curled around her, one arm draped along her hip, legs warm and tangled together. The distant sounds of the city waking up so familiar. However, its the blonde with her that brings clarity and peace, love permeating through her, so damn strong and never distilling, its essence maturing into forever.

Rachel still can't believe the attraction that hits her, starting low in her belly, that fire that burns each time she looks at Quinn, that insatiable want that consumes her even now, after eight years of being together. And she knows Quinn feels the same way, each caress, each touch, each word spoken all building up to a tapestry of love that drapes over her always.

She really dreads leaving this sanctuary, to start her day of rehearsals and leaving Quinn behind. What she dreads even more is knowing Quinn is putting her life in danger each time she walks out of the red door of their loft. Her heart unfailingly pledged to Rachel but her life sworn to protect others.

The dichotomy continues to corrode her faith even if she tries her best to stem its passage. She knows that Quinn loves her, that if she asks, Quinn would acquiesce and quit. But the passion she sees in Quinn when she talks about her job, like its a calling, like it means as much to her as breathing.

And it does not ever diminish her love for Rachel, instead, it makes Quinn more thankful for what she has and she tries her best to demonstrate that love in so many ways. From cooking meals when she got home first, even if she was exhausted, to bringing her flowers or not hiding her fears and needs.

So Rachel knows that this is their life together now, the one she had chosen and the one she was always going to fight for even if she will have to live with that frisson of underlying fear each day Quinn goes to work. The fear building up throughout the day until she reaches home and sees Quinn again.

She slowly extricates herself from Quinn's slumbering embrace, shivering slightly as her feet touches the cold hardwood floor. Her arms going around her middle as she already misses Quinn's touch. She heads to the kitchen and makes tea for herself before she starts the coffee drip for Quinn's flask for work.

She's wearing Quinn's old Yale bulldogs tshirt, faded blue, heather soft and best of all, always smelling faintly of Quinn. The memory of appropriating it from the blonde still so fresh in her mind.

_*"Have you seen my Yale tshirt?" Quinn leans forward, one hand holding the towel to her chest as the other tugs on Rachel's sweater, pulling her close as their lips meet, pouring herself into the kiss, want translating into need as Rachel's arms go around her. The kiss deepening as Quinn moans, the sound igniting a spark that races through Rachel as she tightens her hold on the blonde, bodies pressed together, hearts bearing in rhythm, raw heat pooling within and without. Quinn's hands roaming as she worships the curves and planes of Rachel's body.*_

_*The ringing phone only registering when Quinn takes a breath, "God..Rach.." she expels the name, like she's been guarding it, safe and sound, only to be used reverently. "The phone.." Rachel sighs as lets go of Quinn and reaches to pick up the phone.*_

_*"Hello" her frustration lacing the word, even as Quinn's arms encircle her from behind and her head leans back, semi listening to the call because Quinn is evil in the best possible way as her mouth, wet and hot, trails kisses along her jaw. "Uhh...ahh..Umm..Noah?...Yeah..Quinn's here..Yes you were interrupting....Yes, we still love you even if your timing really absolutely sucks. Noah...its fine, I ...I understand." Her disappointed sigh is loud when Quinn finally stops to take the phone from her and she goes to their room and takes out the Yale shirt that she's stashed in her drawer. The smell and feel of it always calming her. It brings her back to simpler days of worrying about mid terms and stupid boys hitting on Quinn or hitting those high notes and comforting Brittany when Santana screwed up which surprisingly, wasn't that often. Their college life, cocooned from the real world.*_

_*"Rach?" Quinn's voice soft and comforting like the shirt in her hands. "Beth's birthday is coming up and...Puck was wondering if we could send her something together." That familial link only possible because Rachel's big heart included accepting Beth even if Shelby still didn't fully acknowledge Rachel. Quinn innately understanding what the shirt means to Rachel. A physical reminder When things between them seem more amorphous, so she sits closer to Rachel, eying the shirt in her hands. "So you did take it." No accusation in the words, "It's always looked better on you...and you look even better when its off." Quinn follows through with a kiss, gently steering Rachel backwards, throwing the shirt onto the ground and wanting to show the brunette exactly what she meant. *_

The coffee now ready as she pours it into Quinn's silver flask, her eyes wandering to the discreet cabinet door next to their record collection, still not able to stop her small shudder when she thinks about the lock box in it and what it contains.

She loves Quinn, body and soul. She's loved Quinn since high school and Rachel knows that if they had met in kindergarten, she would have loved Quinn then. She just prays that her love will prevail and she'll learn to accept the vagaries of Quinn's choices even if they constantly scare the hell out of her. Where even the comfort of wearing the tshirt could not remotely erase the fear and physical discomfort she experiences when thinking about Quinn on the job.

It didn't help that she had come home that one time, injured in such a graphic manner that Rachel could not sleep for a week. Or the fact that Quinn would hide subsequent injuries, from her because of it. So Rachel gets that she has to be better here, that she needs to show Quinn her love as much as tell her of it.

That thought finally emboldens her as she reaches for her stationery, wanting to leave a note for Quinn when she came back tonight. Acknowledging their love was their one true constant, a resolute prayer of hope and faith in each other.

**New York, Broadway, Helen Hayes Theatre, 20.58pm**

"Once more, Rachel, Rob needs to come in right on cue and he can't if you keep doing it differently each time." Jake Kersh tries to keep his tone congenial. He can see that his lead is distracted, not overtly so but with her attitude tuned to perfection, each very slight tempo change is just enough to throw off her novice co-star who's more handsome than he's talented. He knows that it does piss her off even if she's actually trying to just shrugg it off. Her talent always shining through though she does seem on edge and it's not only due to the problems with the song.

They've been at this for over twelve hours so Rachel really tries not to roll her eyes at the words, knowing that this was really a great role and she can't afford to ignore the director or her co-star even if he was being a prick because he's never done Broadway before. Rachel's more confident in her talent and she knows she has to trust the rest of the cast and her director. "Sure thing, Jake. But just one more run through, I need head home." She's tired but not exhausted but she really needs to see Quinn, to touch her and ensure she was whole, safe.

Its actually part of her contract, the agreement that she could try her best to mirror Quinn's schedule where she could. Except that she had to go somewhere first before she could head home. She just hoped that Quinn would forgive her tardiness after she finds out the reason for it. She sees Jake's look of surprise and she has to bite her tongue so as not to lash out, already hearing Quinn's voice in her head, soothing her and highlighting that she could always charm the pants off anyone. And if that didn't work, headcanon Quinn's voice still whispering, then she could always really give him something to regret.

So instead of the cutting remark that would cut him down to size, she switches gears, "If you're not happy with the next run through, I'll be fine with staying all night until we get this right." Rachel tries not to smile when she sees Jake swallow in panic, his widening eyes amplified by his hipster black rimmed glasses.

"Give it your best and we should probably call it a night." Rachel nods before she takes her position next to Rob, turning slightly as she whispers in his left ear, "Count to three after I hit the chorus and then come in. Screw this up and I swear on my love of Barbra, you won't want to drink the coffee in your dressing room for however long this show runs."

To her surprise, Rob actually comes in perfectly, their voices melding together and Rachel giving it her all as she hits the high end note, holding it until Jake and the rest of the cast claps and hollers. She takes a bow, her smile lighting up the stage and she finally knows that all her hard work coupled with Quinn's amazing support and her cast mates and director finally finding their feet meant that this show was going to be a smash.

Rachel smiles as the applause follows her out and she pulls her coat tightly around her before braving the cold bite of the night. She loves the stage and realises how lucky she is to have a shot at her life long dream. Though even that dream has evolved because she needs to think about her life with Quinn.

Rachel knows it's not about the fame or what they could do with the money but she does have an inkling of an idea that if she makes it big, maybe she'd be able to parlay that into a recording contract or TV deal and maybe moving to LA would mean a new beginning for the both of them, going somewhere where Quinn would be safe.

She gets that it's something that she should talk to Quinn about. That their relationship is strong enough to endure. But there's still this niggling doubt deep down in that part of herself that's still a sixteen year old girl with talent but no friends. That minuscule part of her that finds it almost impossible that Quinn loves her unconditionally.

She glances around, a shiver running through her and she thinks that the man across the street has been looking at her since she left the theatre until he disappears at the next junction. The walk to her destination giving her just enough time to stew in her insecurities but not enough for it to interfere with her task at hand. The door of the small store unassuming but still welcoming as she pushes it open and the bell attached it it chimes. The shop filled with vintage clothes,books and artefacts all with some link to law enforcement.

"Hey Mike, did it come in?" The smile in her voice is mirrored on her face as the big man behind the counter wheels himself around the books, uniforms and boxes scattered around the store to stop in front of her. Mike Grady topped six foot five standing, only he caught a bullet to his spine ten years ago, trying to stop a domestic abuse situation and had been confined to a chair ever since.

"Rachel...how's the most talented girl on Broadway doing?" He opens his arms for a hug, still marvelling at how tiny she was despite being a force to be reckoned with. She had stumbled into his shop a few months ago, tentative at first, quietly browsing before leaving just as quickly when she noticed the murder wall, a collection of graphic but pristine crime scene photographs from the 1900s. Subsequently always coming back at the oddest times, never saying anything until he had wheeled himself over and introduced himself on her third visit.

Even then, she didn't share much until visit four when she saw the yellowed newspaper story framed in the back, detailing how he saved a woman's life only to be grievously wounded. He eyes shining bright with unshed tears as she finally told him about Quinn. About how proud she was of her wife but also how scared she felt everyday.

She was looking for an antique St Michael's medal. Something that she could give to Quinn, a talisman that she knows cannot keep the blonde safe but something that could perhaps remind Quinn to stay safe. Rachel bends down and accepts his hug though not his words, "Hardly the most talented though today's rehearsal shows that maybe I do have a shot at that title.."

"Or a Tony.." they both say the words in unison before dissolving into giggles. Its only when Mike gently tugs on her hand that she looks down, her eyes widening as she catches sight of the pale gold medal. Shaped like a miniature police badge, worn around the edges but the saint etched on it still visible as was the motto, Fidelis ad mortem. Its exactly how she pictured in her head.

"The owner?" Rachel's almost certain that her last criteria was going to be too difficult to fulfil. Needing to translate her hope into a charm of sorts that she wanted to gift to Quinn.

"Detective Sherry Phillips Mchugh from homicide. Married for sixty five years, last fall. She died peacefully in her sleep this year and served on the force for thirty five years without ever firing her gun." It had taken a lot of calls and pleas to his entire network of brothers in blue. Getting the family to part with it had been difficult though Rachel's offer was too generous to refuse as was her story of why she wanted the medal in the first place.

"I hope that girl of yours understands how lucky she is?" He had asked about Detective Quinn Berry-Fabray as well during his search. Getting a picture in his head of a woman who probably deserved a catch like Rachel. Someone who was already making collars and working for one of the toughest divisions on the force. Someone who cared about the community, who could have gone into private practice but instead chose to serve the people.

"Mike you're 0 for two today because I'm the lucky one." She knows that for a fact and bends down to give him a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you." Rachel sees that he still thinks that she's placing too much hope in a pice of metal but at least he still found exactly what she wanted and she smiles at him.

Mike's debated if he should tell her the truth, that all the talismans, love, precautions or prayers could never absolutely prevent bad things from occurring. But then he sees that Rachel Berry smile, like she believes in miracles, like she's just so in love that all he can do is nod back before replying, "You're both lucky, Rachel." And he prays as he sees her walk out, medal firmly in her hand. For the first time since his accident, he prays that his words are true.

**End Part 2**


	3. Tip of my Tongue Pt 1

**The Civil Wars - Tip of My Tongue Pt 1**

_**You own me with whispers like poetry** _

_**Your mouth is a melody I memorize** _

_**Mmm, so sweet** _

_**I hear it echo everwhere I go** _

_**Day and night** _

_**Oh Dear never saw you comin'** _

_**Oh My** _

_**Look what you have done** _

_**You're my favourite song** _

_**Always on the tip of my tongue** _

_**The tip of my tongue** _

**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 22.41pm**

She takes the steps two at a time, driven by this anxiousness that she wears uncomfortably. The feeling always lurking like it had Senior year of High School, when all she could do was to look out for Quinn from afar. The worry always building up and spilling out, overflowing in different ways. Coalescing so clearly into action when Quinn had got shot, driving her so that she just knew she had to save Quinn for her own sanity and because she truly loved her so very much.

Rachel knows that she cannot let her fear permeate their life now. She has to control it, pull on all its tendrils and stuff it into a deep dark corner inside of herself. She's older and hopefully wiser and absolutely certain that their love will always prevail. Like the love she saw shared by her dads, their love was a beacon for her, a template to build on when she found the right person. And Quinn was it for her so Rachel's completely certain that she will love Quinn until the end of time.

Their red door symbolic in so many ways, signifying fire, courage, strength, radiance, lust, longing and most of all love. Stepping through the threshold, allowing her to finally shed all her insecurities and fears, like she sheds her coat, because Quinn is standing there, next to the forest green armchair they had found last year, in an antique shop in Chelsea.

"Hey, Beautiful." The timbre of Quinn's voice sends a shiver through her. Quinn's hooded eyes still gleaming hazel even in the low light and Rachel launches herself forward, coat and bag carelessly discarded on the floor. She's unable to express any words because she needs physical validation, her arms going around Quinn, their lips meeting, not in desperation but the urgency so palpable.

Quinn's right hand cupping her face as she leans into its soft touch. Equilibrium finally returning for Rachel with Quinn in her arms, that medal in her pocket and an actual decent reheasal for the day. The kiss already escalating until she feels the towel wrapped left hand of Quinn on her back, pressing her forward. She does not want to pull back because this is where she's suppose to be, this moment, the trancendence of their connection into the physical.

But its impossible to ignore the possibility of Quinn's injury. So Rachel pulls back reluctantly, "Sweatheart, what happened?" Words dripping with worry and care especially when she sees that Quinn can barely look her in the eye. And when she finally does, all she sees are swirls of brown and green and guilt. "Quinn, please.." Rachel's not even sure what she's begging for, maybe to be allowed to comfort or even to understand why.

The silence between them stretching so thin, its tension visible in the set of Quinn's shoulders and the furrow of Rachel's brow. Settling densely over them as Rachel guides Quinn to the armchair before getting the first aid kit she bought a day after Quinn started at the Academy. Rachel recalls calling her daddy as walked around the aisle of the pharmacy, getting his opinion on which was the better brand of bandages to stock it with and listening as her dad chimed in every now and again to tell her that he was proud of her and more than proud of Quinn's decision to join the force.

Rachel sees Quinn's dispassionate look as hey eyes peruse its half used contents when she opens the kit. Its that look of resigned guilt and when she finally looks at Rachel, it cuts at her as much as Quinn's subsequent words.

"It's really nothing, Rach." The use of that diminutive not bringing her comfort because the other words are such a lie. Rachel tries not to shudder when she unwraps the towel and sees the rawness of Quinn's knuckles, skin scrapped thin, showing pink and looking so delicate. The injury seemingly just on the surface though Rachel can guess that its provenance has a story that will not be comfortable to hear.

"You got hurt.." However,Quinn's flinch at her words so damn telling, "Quinn..did you..oh god," her hand goes to her mouth like she wants to hold her words in and not confirm one of her biggest fears but she needs to understand how bad it is for Quinn so she pushes on despite the fact that she feels like throwing up.

"Please tell me that you did not do this to yourself. We've come so far..you're not.." She's applying antiseptic to bruised flesh and trying to articulate through her own worse fears and its proving almost impossible. Her mind going back to that night at Big Al's and Quinn almost utter disregard for her life. Needing to remind herself that they were so far removed from that point in time, except for these constant physical reminders.

"Hey..Hey..baby, Come here." Quinn has spent years studying Rachel, memorizing every curve,dip and freckle and all her nuanced expressions, the way her eyes would slightly widen before they kiss, or the way her breath would hitch, deep brown eyes would glisten and her hands shake when she thought about their past. She sees it all come to the forefront now and knows she needs to bring Rachel back.

Quinn extricates her hand from Rachel's, the dull pain not amounting to anything when compared to the stricken look Rachel's trying to hide. She pulls on her arm gently, settling Rachel in her lap, her voice low and laden with emotion, "I screwed up an interrogation and the suspect goaded me when I followed him. I made a rookie mistake and I really wanted to hit him but I did not want to exacerbate the situation so I hit the dashboard instead."

She sees Rachel still staring at her hurt hand, "You are everything to me and I won't screw this up. I made a stupid mistake and I'm so sorry, Rach." She's hoping for absolution, something that signifies that she hasn't screwed up beyond the point of no return. She remembers all the chances Rachel had accorded her, each time she pushed back, those terrible times when she slashed at the brunette with words and deeds but Rachel never gave up on her. The certainty of their love so true though Quinn gets that she cannot keep testing it.

Quinn feels absolutely bereft when Rachel struggles to stand, leaving her in the chair as she goes to her coat near the door, her hand rooting around in its pocket. Her eyes tracking the brunette, knowing that there's always been more to Rachel that what she doesn't say, her actions always augmenting their love and connection.

And Quinn holds back her sigh of relief when she sees Rachel approaching her, palm held out, her eyes focusing on the glinting object nestled in Rachel's hand. Being a couple meant that they had honed their own language of interaction over time, how a touch of the elbow could signify love as much as pages of poetry. How painting the door red would let Rachel know how much she loved their life in New York and the medal nesting in Rachel's palm possibly signifying that Rachel could maybe accept the choice Quinn had made by joining the force.

"It belonged to a homicide detective who served for thirty five years and never fired her gun. I thought..." Her breath hitches and she's not sure how to explain to Quinn that she feels helpless, that the fears she had growing up, including never finding someone who would loved her as much as she loved them, all paled in comparison to the fear of losing Quinn. Not that Quinn would ever leave her willingly but because of her job and the dangers that accompanied it, not to mention the decisions she made, like the one resulting in her most recent injury. All of it could take Quinn away in an instant.

Those thoughts constantly plaguing her mind and sending her skittering so close to that point where Rachel knows that she will reach that ultimatum that's always on the tip of her tongue. Along with entreaties of love, its been lurking there, stilled only by sheer will. Wrapped up tight with unspoken need and hidden beneath every touch she bestows. And Rachel relegates it deeper within tonight once again. She let's out the breath she's been holding as Quinn gazes at her, so much emotion swirling like galaxies in those eyes.

"I want you to be safe, to come home to me every day because you're..because Quinn Berry Fabray, you're my life and I don't think I could imagine my life without you by my side." Her eyes drift shut as Quinn raises her palm to her lips, kissing her pulse point before she stands, their fingers intertwining and the medal between their joined palms.

Quinn gently tugging Rachel towards their bedroom, needing to connect with her wife on all levels and hoping that the tremor in Rachel's voice and the sheen reflected in her eyes would eventually dissipate. Quinn feels the medal pressed into her palm and prays that they're slowly inching forward and not drifting further apart.

#$#$#$#$#$#$#

Raymond Bannon really wonders if people know how much of their lives can be gleaned from the internet. Regardless of whether you were a part time babysitter, nurse, school teacher or cop, everyone always leaves some sort of digital footprint. Just a basic knowledge of programming, picture recognition software and some time for trial and error and anyone with enough interest could gather so much information, like pictures of a young Broadway actress married to a police officer who gave a relatively decent commencement speech four years ago at Yale that garnered quite some number of hits.

Her thesis though was of greater interest, the way she expounded on the lives of her subjects, breaking down their decisions and moral code into right and wrong and missing the true picture of genius that she just discarded in lieu of passing judgement. That, coupled with so many pictures highlighting such a sinful life and pointing the way for him to correct it all.

Following her home from the theatre had been so easy, her single stop giving him time to reflect on his options. Her final stop at a converted five storey pre war schoolhouse that had some security but nothing too difficult. He wonders if both of them are at home and is tempted to enter the building. But its always better to wait, to go over exactly what he wants to do and to plan for contingencies, like he had with Priscilla.

The woman was not special enough to be his target and it was always good when his plans materialised and the trap he set actually leads his true target directly into his path. He wonders if Detective Fabray knows she needs forgiveness and that he can grant it for her soon.

**Lima, 10 Magnolia Lane, 7.48am**

Leroy measures out the ingredients for the batter carefully, knowing that unlike years ago where he had to feed Hiram, the girls and the army that was Noah Puckerman, he was now just cooking for the two of them. The process still calming though he has to admit that he misses his daughter so very much. The weekly Skype calls not nearly enough to fill the void when she left.

Even Quinn's own calls, timed perfectly to when he was driving home, so as to keep him company and regale him with stories of his erstwhile daughter was not enough anymore. He wants more and he knows that Hiram does too. Lima hasn't been the same since Rachel left and maybe they needed to find someplace else to start again.

"Mr Berry...Its me, Puck.." Puck does not wait as he walks through the house, its layout still so familiar even if his visits had dwindled over time. His stomach guiding him to the kitchen where he sees Leroy making pancakes. The irritated glare shot his way not a deterrent as he takes a seat at the table, almost expecting Rachel to come bounding down the stairs, hand tugging on Quinn's as they moved in tandem, always so conscious of each other.

"Puckerman." Its taken Leroy years to hone that voice, two parts irritated, four parts commanding with that underlying tone of reluctant acceptance. The man sitting at his breakfast table not so far removed from the scared boy who had always looked out for his daughter when it mattered.

He sees the slow grin directed his way and has to roll his eyes and steel himself to not respond though he's already adding more eggs to the batter, not wanting to subject Puck to a vegan breakfast. "What brings you here this early?" His tone demanding an answer even as Puck's about to drink the freshly squeezed orange juice meant for Hiram.

"Mr Berry..the other Mr Berry's car..I thought it would be more convenient for him if I drove it over." Puck's always had this view of Rachel's dads. Loving and so full of vitality but over the years, he's noticed the grey around their temples steadily taking over and how much older they looked. The recent car accident more due to Hiram Berry's failing eyesight than the badly placed stop sign as argued valiantly by Leroy in front of the judge presiding over the ticket.

"Noah, my boy, good to see you and I trust my car is as good as new?". Hiram's cordial tone finally allowing Puck to lean back in his chair and enjoy the substantial breakfast he knows is being prepared, Leroy already taking out the bacon slices that they still keep even if Quinn's visits have been few and far between.

Puck nods instead of answering as he shoves a piece of toast into his mouth, needing the time to collect his thoughts before broaching the delicate subject of Rachel and Quinn. He had been Rachel's best man at their wedding, Quinn naturally opting for Brittany and Santana as her bridesmaids. And he had taken the role extremely seriously. Looking out for Rachel's dads and Quinn's mom because he was the only one still in Lima, his car detailing business growing over time and he never felt that impetus to leave like his fellow glee mates.

Leroy can tell that he has something on his mind though as he stares at Puck, holding the bacon and pancake laden plate, his eyes never leaving Puck's face.

"Spit it out Puckerman." He's fathered a child and currently runs his own business but Leroy's voice never fails to cause him to sit up straight in his chair, fighting the urge to give the man a salute of some kind and holding back the word, Sir from tripping off his tongue.

"Umm..I..Mr Berry, Sir, I wanted to see if you heard from Rachel and Quinn lately?" He knows of their weekly calls and wonders if Rachel's ever growing fear and Quinn's false bravado translates for the Berry men. He gets that he's never been book smart and both Quinn and Rachel and most of the glee club were smarter that he was. But what he lacked in book smarts, he full made up with being street smart. Which meant, he had a knack for reading people.

And he knows for a fact that Quinn loves Rachel and Rachel loves Quinn. But the one thing that he's divined from his interactions with the both of them was this feeling that they were not in sync with regards to Quinn's job. And for the first time in months, he sees a similar understanding in Leroy's look.

"Hiram and I were thinking of visiting them in New York before we finally make that move to Miami. Maybe you could consider coming with us." Leroy does not hide his smile when he sees Puck nod. He always knew that he was lucky. First with convincing Hiram that they were meant to be together and subsequently to be blessed with Rachel. But he knows that he'll always be indebted to whichever deity that deemed him worthy to be able to build his own family, Quinn, Puck, Santana and Brittany all a most welcome addition.

"I'll call and tell them that we're visiting." Hiram leans in to kiss Leroy, smiling widely when Puck just winks at him before shoving most of a pancake and two slices of bacon into his mouth.

**End Pt 3**


	4. Tip of My Tongue Pt 2

**The Civil Wars - Tip of My Tongue Pt 2**

**_You're a red string tied to my finger_ **

**_A little love letter I carry with me_ **

**_You're sunlight_ **

**_Smoke rings and cigarettes_ **

**_Outlines and kisses from silverscreens_ **

**_Oh Dear never saw you comin'_ **

**_Oh My_ **

**_Look what you have done_ **

**_You're my favorite song_ **

**_Always on the tip of my tongue_ **

**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 8.14am**

"Sure.." Rachel has her phone cradled to her ear as she turns her cheek to give Quinn access, smiling when the blonde bends down to give her a kiss. "Uh...huh..." Her dads rarely called in the mornings, knowing that the time was precious to her. In high school, it was her rigorous exercise and vocal regime that took up most of her time in the morning.

However, when Quinn had come into her life, those solitary morning rituals fell away so quickly, the time spent memorising the map of Quinn's body or waking up just a bit earlier to surprise Quinn with breakfast in bed. Or like today, waking up in each other's arms, making breakfast together, forgetting the world outside even if it's just for a short while.

She had wanted to ignore the call, to just live in that moment, unafraid and so very loved but the number was familiar. "No..yes, I am listening daddy. I mean I..we would love for you to visit and maybe even stay until opening night...I just think that moving to Miami..." those words getting Quinn's attention as her hands find Rachel's, a small squeeze to centre her, quiet support just in case she needed it.

"Yes, I know that dad looks good in linen." she laughs or tries to at least even as her eyes fill, making Quinn even more concerned, her fingers brushing against Rachel's cheek before she nods and takes the phone. Rachel only relinquishing it because she gets that she's probably seconds away from crying. Not just because her fathers were selling her childhood home but they were going to move even further away.

"Hey..dad" Quinn smiles, the slight hesitation always there not because she's uncomfortable with the word or using it on Hiram. Its always been because she still feels honoured, amazed even that the Berry men consider her their daughter and not only because she married Rachel. The memory with Leroy so clear in her mind.

* _Quinn was considering moving just a bit closer to the door, the second he started polishing his glasses. She's always been more than a little intimidated by Leroy Berry. He never scared her the way her own Father did and he had given her that first chance all those years ago even when she knew she didn't deserve one._

_However, it was the way he would look at her, as if he was sizing her up each time, measuring her and it made her feel like she would still always come up short. But regardless of that fact, Leroy was still giving her that chance to be with Rachel, over and over again. Or at least she hoped so. "I umm I.."_

_"I heard you the first time." His baritone soft as he continues to polish the lenses. Over the years, she's learnt to read him almost as well as Rachel, the way his voice goes softer, the angrier he would become. The polishing of the glasses, a chance for him to center himself, gather his thoughts and probably, absolutely shoot her down._

_"I've saved up enough for the down payment." Her voice wavering for the first time, as she takes a step towards the door, thinking that she's finally used up all her chances. Quinn shoves her hands in her pockets, not wanting Leroy to see them shake and she's surprised when he actually reaches out, his large hand, gently wrapping around her forearm, stopping her as he tugs such that she turns around to face him._

_"I want to co-sign the loan. I can't have my Daughter in law.." Quinn hear jerking up so fast that she's absolutely sure she's pulled a muscle. The words reverberating in her head, possibly always on the tip of her tongue. The intent stirring there all along. Maybe she had been looking for permission even if she could not explicitly articulate the words. So when she finally gathers her courage and looks at Leroy, all she sees is that almost impossible to get smile, like he's happy, content as he finishes his sentence, "living anywhere but Manhattan. Quinn.." his smile still there but his tone, serious once again, "Just take care of each other and call me.."_

_"Dad" the word still stiff as it rolls off her tongue but the sentiment behind the word so meaningful to her once again. Quinn always knew how lucky she was to have found someone like Rachel, fighting the almost infinitesimal odds of finding the princess bride style of true love. So to also get a family as well, fathers that did not judge or belittle but ones who easily bestowed support and love. *_

"So when do I pick you up from La Guardia?" Quinn eyes solely on Rachel, gauging if she needed to call in late for her shift. "Puck's coming?" That piece of information a surprise but not an unpleasant one. Her connection with Puck solidified because of Beth but it really was his brotherly relationship with Rachel that kept evolving. To the point that Quinn gets that he's only leaving Ohio because he's worried about her Wife.

Quinn sees Rachel looking hopeful at her words and it hits her so tangibly that she has to lean against the back of Rachel's chair. That particular look of hope, the one she had seen all throughout senior year. Even when had pushed Rachel away, cut her down with words and deeds, that one look was always there. And if she was being honest with herself, , Quinn fully gets that she hasn't seen that look for quite some time.

Quinn understands that her choices have an impact on both their lives but she figured that with time, Rachel would see how she was making a difference, helping people and feeling like all of it mattered somehow. She had hoped that Rachel would come around and understand that being a cop made sense in her head like nothing before.

But maybe she had been deluding herself and ignoring Rachel's needs. Maybe, she was still hurting Rachel and worse of all, Rachel was allowing her too. Building up a tolerance for it all because of her selfish choices."Rachel and I would love that, we have the study for you and Puck can take the sofa bed...Hang on, Rachel wants to say something.." she sees Rachel signalling to her and hands the phone over, the blossoming smile a sight to behold.

And Quinn finally gets that she's really been deluding herself with their life and how happy they were together. Not actually doubting their love but finally getting that her choices have affected Rachel drastically.

The smile she sees, reminding her that maybe her Rachel, the one who never gave up on her, was still there. Quinn acknowledges that she could never say no to that smile and gets that its powers transcend phone lines when she witnesses Rachel extract a promise from Leroy that they won't move until they all had a chat and possibly a vote and probably veto power for Rachel. "Love you too...so much."

She does not have a solution here at least not yet though Quinn can finally see the issue that she had saddled them with as she sees Rachel's expression go from happy to wishful in the blink of an eye. "So beautiful, what do you have planned for today?" Its an innocuous question in her mind, something that she wants to use to segue into the more complex topic of how she could fix them.

She's looking directly at Rachel, when she see the tell, the way, Rachel's eyes dart to the side and the small breath she takes before she answers. They've been together for eight years and in that short amount of time (in Quinn's head), she's memorized everything about Rachel. Each look, each touch, each connection all learnt by heart. A lie forming between them, one that Rachel apparently feels compelled to tell.

"I'll probably be stuck in rehearsals all day. Jake thinks the finale could be tighter and Rob still has timing issues. You know me..everything needs to be perfect.." The eye roll is classic Rachel and if she had just seen that, this chasm opening between them would have gone unnoticed. "I'll make it home by six though...Maybe we could do dinner?" The inflection in her voice indicating doubt even if the smile she bestows speaks of anticipation.

"Absolutely." Quinn punctuates her response with a kiss, trying her best to relegate the lie to the back of her mind.

"And what is Detective Fabray doing all day?" Rachel's mood shifting positively with Quinn's response such that she sings the words, humming the melody as she goes about the kitchen, putting things away and pouring more juice for Quinn.

"The Captain wants me to swing by the Academy, give a talk to the new recruits. It's nothing really." Rachel knows that Quinn's being modest and truly does not get how much of a role model she had become. Not only giving a potentially lucrative private industry career but also talking about her own experiences in coming out and learning from the mistakes she had made early on.

"It is something. Don't you forget it." Quinn nods at Rachel's words, the lie now fully subsumed within her, pushed down to be eventually forgotten. Maybe it was something Rachel needed to do, maybe it was to protect herself and she can't fault Rachel for that. Quinn gets that try as she might, she couldn't always be there to protect Rachel so it made sense that Rachel would learn to protect herself.

"I'll see you tonight for dinner." Quinn kisses Rachel again, the kiss a bit more bittersweet for her but still highlighting how crazy in love she would always be.

**New York, 130-30 College Point Blvd, Flushing, NYPD Police Academy, 12.38pm**

Steve stands at the back of the auditorium, arms crossed and waiting until she answers all the questions posed to her. He admires her poise, the way she's so open with answering all the questions, even the more personal ones about her private life and some of the decisions she had made along the way.

He hadn't wanted to disrupt her day, knowing that she treasured the time she spent at the Academy. He had been surprised that she was so candid about discussing her past. Sharing stories about her teen pregnancy and acting out. It was heartening to understand that her resilience came from admitting her own weaknesses and finding the strength to believe in herself and in love. Turning her life around and wanting to help others in whatever way she could. Its was fucking inspiring and he wonders if she sees that in herself.

There's still a crowd around her when he walks down towards the podium. "Detective Chen..I didn't know you would be here today?" He does not get why she looks a tad embarrassed so he just nods, "We just got a call regarding the assault case. The victim thinks she's being watched in some way. Seems like she's been having trouble sleeping and thinks that she's being watched. She was asking for some security and I thought that you could come with me to Lennox Hill and talk to her. Maybe see if she needs any additional help?"

Quinn had been there when Priscilla regained consciousness after the attack. Despite being hurt and disoriented, she had still tried to give as much information as possible to Quinn. The interview quite brief but Quinn had picked up on so much. Priscilla wasn't someone who was easily frightened and if she felt like she was being watched, then maybe there was something to that. "Thanks for calling me in on this. I was meaning to check in with her."

They're in the car on the way to the hospital and normally he's comfortable with the silence but this one between them seems oppressive, like Quinn's carrying the weight of the world and its pressing down on them. "Thanks again for this assist. I really appreciate it." Quinn just tries to give him a small smile in response. Steve's not expecting anything more especially since he wasn't one to make small talk and he can see how preoccupied his new Detective was. However, he feels the impetus to engage with her.

"You made a difference today." He sees surprise on her face as she turns to look at him, unsure of where he was going in the conversation. "The recruits...you sharing your experiences with them, will change their lives. In very many small ways but it all still counts. You agreeing to come with me to talk to Priscilla will also make a difference for her. You don't always see that..do you?"

Between the two of them, Quinn's the one with the Psychology degrees and being called on something this fundamental does throw her. She doesn't think that she's being hard on herself because she gets that she has a lot to make up for. All the mistakes she had made coupled with all the chances she had been given and still getting to come home to Rachel every night just made it seem like she was always ahead. And in her mind, she needed those big wins, to make her feel like she was really making a difference. These small steps shouldn't really count.

"No. I mean...this is all part of the job. It doesn't really count." Her answer almost lost in the quiet of the car because her voice is so soft but he can see that she's mulling over his words even as she's still focused on that issue that seems to be eating at her.

"How's that beautiful Wife of yours? Sam says her new show is going to be a smash if advance ticket sales are any indication." Sam's the Broadway fan and he's the jazz diehard but he does admit that Rachel Berry's voice was something. So much emotion and passion packed into that tiny frame.

The last time he had seen them together was when Sam had dragged him to some charity benefit. He had spotted Quinn in the audience and had first thought she was handling security. Only her focus was on one of the women on stage. Sam had talked him through a few songs and absolutely gushed about Rachel Berry. The next big thing on Broadway and apparently head over heels in love with his newest Detective.

She's been trying so hard to not think about Rachel but just like that, the lie she's tried to forget this morning now comes roaring back into her consciousness as she swallows and looks back out the window, not wanting Steve to see her discomfort. She's not really sure how to answer the question because she's quite sure now that Rachel wasn't alright and worse yet, she couldn't confide in her and chose instead to lie.

"Quinn?"

Quinn knows that there will have to be an explanation, some absolutely valid reason for Rachel to keep things from her. She gets that she's the one whose always been broken and Rachel had put her back together and was still keeping them together despite her selfishness.

"Sorry. She's..I...the show's definitely gong to be a hit and I...need to remember that the small things count with her too." Quinn's not trying to be cryptic and she's just receive the epiphany regarding the cycle of her behaviour with Rachel. Despite the fact that she loved her beyond all reason, she's finally realising that hurting Rachel bit by bit with all her decisions now, was just as bad as when she hurt her deliberately in high school.

Steve's always been a pragmatist, keeping his private life quiet because he felt it would allow him to do his job better. But seeing Quinn being so open and confident in sharing her life, makes him realise that it's a different world now and he needed to adapt. And if she was struggling with something, he could try and reach out too, "Just remember that each tiny thing really does help and if you need to talk it out, I'm here."

**New York, Manhattan, Lenox Hill Hospital 12.42pm**

Rachel feels untethered, like a compass that does not know the direction of true north anymore. She's cognizant that what she's feeling has a lot to do with lying to Quinn even if in her mind, she's just trying to get everything clear before she tells Quinn all of it.

Her body now almost on autopilot as she makes her fortnightly trek to Lenox Hill. It still does not feel right to do this without Quinn. Not when she had made that first appointment and definitely not on this third visit. She's at least thankful that there's zero chance of running into Quinn today even if the hospital was in the vicinity of the precinct. The already hot day now exacerbated by a full elevator as she reaches out to tap on the third floor button.

"Excuse me, but aren't you that actress in that Sondheim revival? You're name's..umm Rachel umm..I swear it's on the tip of my tongue..."

The drawl of the voice distinct and he's standing too close so she can't really see his face but she does smile and nod. She's been recognise before, mostly fans waiting as she exits the theatre, hand in hand with Quinn, leaning on the blonde because she's drained of adrenaline and just needs to comfort of the closeness to guide her home.

"Berry." She supplies as the door opens to expel some people and she turns to see her fan. He's tall and older than she expected, the baseball cap a bit at odds with his attire of chinos and a button down shirt but he smiles and she can't help but return it.

"I hope you're not here because you're ill or worse that it's something about that wonderful voice of yours." The question seems personal but Rachel gets that being a minor celebrity meant that fans wanted to know everything about her.

"No..no..umm no..Its just a check up." Her hand unconsciously going to her stomach as the door opens to her floor. "This is me. Hope you have a great day." Rachel sees him nod and wave even as his eyes note the floor she's on.

"You too Rachel. I hope we get to meet again." Raymond tucks that piece of information away. Wondering how good the clinic's cyber security was. He whistles as he gets off on the fourth floor, noting the harried nurses bustling about and the room conveniently situated to the end of the corridor. He strolls past it, ensuring that the occupant sees his profile, his steps a bit more measured and slowed. The hospital cameras never really getting a good shot of him as he takes the exit for the stairwell still whistling.

**End Pt 4**


	5. C'est La Mort

**The Civil Wars Pt 5 - C'est La Mort**

_**Swan dive down eleven stories high** _   
_**Hold your breath until you see the light** _   
_**You can sink to the bottom of the sea** _   
_**Just don't go without me** _

_**Go get lost where no one can be found** _   
_**Drink so long and deep until you drown** _   
_**Say your goodbyes but darlin' if you please,** _   
_**Don't go without me.** _

**New York, Manhattan, Lenox Hill Hospital 15.32pm**

"Ms Berry?" Rachel's twisting the eternity ring on her finger, the motion always calming as she remembers Quinn slipping it on her finger, the warmth of Quinn's hands as they held hers, the certainty that they would be together forever still so clear in her mind. The pale blue of the waiting room walls meant to be soothing but all it engenders is a coldness for her because she does not have Quinn there but just the memory of her.

Its been her choice though, these check up visits were just to get all the information before they really had to have the talk. She needs to have all the relevant information, all the data and research compiled in a binder that she could hold against her chest as she sat Quinn down to explain their options.

"Ms Berry?" The nurse calls out again, her voice firm but at least she smiles though Rachel thinks that she cannot use that as a yardstick for good news because like the blue walls, it just is meant to placate.

"Yes. I'm here." She stands and follows the nurse to the office at the end of the corridor. "Dr. Neal will be right in, she's reviewing your scans and will walk you through the options. Are you waiting for anyone else to join you?" Its possibly an innocuous question that she's trained to ask every single patient. Rachel wants to say yes, to take out her crystal covered iphone and call Quinn. To pour out all her pent up emotions through a tenuous phone connection because she's still worried about looking Quinn in the eyes when they do have the talk. Instead she just sighs and shakes her head.

She does not have much time to compose herself as Dr Neal rushes in, harried as usual. "Hi Rachel. How are you feeling? Is the lower abdominal pain manageable or do you want a new pain management prescription?" Dr Neal flips through the scans in the file, as she settles in her chair and waits for Rachel to respond.

"It's fine...I mean the pain comes and goes and I don't like the pills. I know you said they don't affect my voice but I just think..its just a symptom right..and you're going to recommend surgery?" Its always been a possibility, a precaution more than anything else. The information she's read up on and collated in that purple binder in their loft all pointed to this outcome.

She sees Dr Neal nod slowly, again these small gestures meant to be calming but she's anything but even as Dr Neal confirms her worse fears, "It's keyhole surgery and you could be in and out in a day...if you wanted to.." She's seen the ring on Rachel's finger and read the write up in the Village voice about the couple. However, she's Rachel's doctor and the care and well being of her patient is foremost in her mind. Her patient who came alone to every appointment, looking forlorn and she wonders if the article was really correct in saying that they were happily married. She hopes so though, for Rachel's sake.

"My wife...I have to tell her. Quinn will want to know. She'll be angry that I haven't told her any of it but I needed.."

"You wanted to be sure. I get that and Rachel and this really is routine surgery. Your ovarian cysts are most likely benign but they have been growing in size over the past few months and causing you some discomfort. You should tell her."

Rachel nods, her hand once again going to her stomach unconsciously. She had made the first appointment with such excitement, wanting to have a checkup and discuss options around pregnancy. At first, her purple folder filled with information around pregnancy planning and fertility treatments but slowly morphing into something else entirely.

Each subsequent visit ratcheting up her own sense of worry coupled with the need to understand as much as possible before she unloaded on Quinn. Rachel knows that Quinn would be there for her without question and provide the support that she most definitely needs. And she figures that Quinn's been picking up on her behaviour in some ways as well.

The way she would glance over at Rachel, that crease forming on her forehead, as her hazel eyes sparkle with unshed tears sometimes. Rachel knows Quinn thinks she's worried about her job and only that. Its beginning to dawn on her that she's been unfair to not tell Quinn sooner. "I will. I'll tell her tonight."

  
**New York, Manhattan, 6th Precinct, Special Victims Squad, 17.52pm**

Rachel always feels uncomfortable here, the sounds and smells almost foreign to her and so far removed from the comfort and surroundings of the stage. She nods at the Sargent at the front desk, his name relegated to the back of her mind but he does recognise her and buzzes her in so she just smiles in return, not stopping to make small talk.

The dark staircase to the second level teeming with people going different ways and she tries to keep her head down only she feels a tap on her shoulder and looks back to a familiar face. "Hey, are you here to see Fabray?" She has to crane her neck to look at his face even if she's standing about two steps above him.

"Yeah." She's suddenly shy, tucking her hair behind her ears as he gently steers her to the side and away from the people running up and down the stairs. "Is she here? She's not expecting me and I wasn't..umm.." The doctor's visits always taking their toll in someway. Coupled with keeping it secret from Quinn, just making it all a bit too much. But she recognises Reggie Gutierrez. He had been the one who had brought Quinn home when she had been injured that one time.

His steady presence and voice, calming her enough such that she could focus and help Quinn that night. The experience rattling her so badly and still ingrained in her mind even if she's manage to subsume the memories and overlay them with thoughts of happier times.

* _Rachel's singing under her breath, the love song from her new show that she hopes to run pass Quinn. Its been running through her head all day and the words and meaning resonate with her. And she hopes that Quinn will get it too, that despite the fact that they're not as aligned in their views of their careers, their connection remained as strong as ever. The other news she wants to share still formative in her mind and maybe tonight will be the night, the purple folder in the drawer by her side of the bed. That impetus to have Quinn by her side at the next doctor's visit.*_

_*There's pasta boiling on the stove and she's stirring the white wine sauce in hope that Quinn would come home soon so they could have dinner and decompress together.The sound of the door being unlocked perks her up as she calls out, "Babe, just get cleaned up, dinner will be ready in a few minutes. And there's this song that I want you to hear and something I want to talk to you about.." She starts humming as she lowers the heat and reaches for the plates on the shelf. She's unconcern that Quinn hasn't responded because she knows that Quinn has her own silent ritual as she glances towards the living area. What she though sees causes her to drop the ladle in her hand.*_

_*"Quinn?" Her voice wavering as she sees Quinn, limping towards the cabinet, one of her Detective colleagues towering over her, his hands out as if ready to catch her if she falters. Her focus though is solely on her wife, the way she's cradling her hand to her side and how she's shuffling her feet, like she's in pain. Rachel's own insecurities bubbles to the surface as she tries to reconcile her worse fears with what she's seeing right now. *_

_*She watches with trepidation as Quinn puts away her service weapon, her head bowed, shoulders curved inwards as if she's trying to disappear and when she finally turns to face her, Rachel can't help the gasp from escaping as she sees Quinn's right eye swollen shut and a fist shaped bruise forming on her cheek.*_

_*"Rachel, I'm Reggie Gutierrez, Detective Gutierrez. Your wife, here decided to put herself between a battered woman and her drunk husband. If you think she looks bad, and I know she really does. Just know that he's incapacitated and the woman and her two children are just fine." Rachel rushes forward then, her hands ghosting over Quinn, unsure of how to touch her, not wanting to cause more pain. So it's Quinn who has to reach out, her arms going around Rachel, needing that proximity as she pulls her close, ignoring the bruises down her side and the subsequent pain radiating as her hands tighten around Rachel as she breathes her in, finding comfort at last.*_

_*She can feel Quinn shaking and does not know what she can say so she just holds on, letting Quinn decide on the pressure she needs ."Shhh, it's ok, I'm here." Rachel has to stop her own gasp when she hears Quinn's words. "I'm sorry..I know this is not what you want to see..I'm so sorry. Please just...I..." Quinn's harsh whispers seem so loud in the quiet of the apartment. Reggie still there, silent and calm and seemingly ready to help if required.*_

_"*Shh..its ok. You're ok. I just want you to be ok." Rachel feels Quinn trembling even as she nods at her words. "You have nothing to apologize for. I just want you to be ok." She hates the fact that Quinn's apologising but what she hates more is deep down, its something she wants to hear, the fact that Quinn knows this is her worse fear. Living with the fact that Quinn could be hurt or worse each day she leaves their home. Its been gnawing at her, biting down on her consciousness and leaking out in so many different ways.*_

_*But at least she makes up her mind now about not worrying Quinn further, not today and not if she had her own issues to deal with. Quinn's job and the danger it entails was really all Quinn needed to focus on. She has to hope that eventually there will be a good time to discuss the possibility of her getting pregnant.*_

"She's at her desk. I'll show you up." His towering presence clearing the way for them as he guides her upstairs. "Just follow me." He steadies her, the width of his palm gently pressed to her back. The noises around Rachel still loud but now more manageable because she knows that she'll see Quinn soon.

Quinn rubs at her eyes, the stress headache she's been experiencing for the past few hours dulling to a very fine point of just gnawing at her temples. The coffee in her flask long finished and her case still far from resolved. The interview with Priscilla had not unearthed any new information though she remained convinced that the woman wasn't being paranoid and Quinn was sure that somehow she needed to catch her attacker before he struck again. She feels unsettled, like she's missing something about this case. But its eluding her and all she feels is frustration, strong and heavy and beginning to settle over her, if she let it.

"Fabray, your wife's here." The smile in Gutierrez voice is obvious and Quinn figures that Rachel's once again managed to charm her way into the sixth just by virtue of being Rachel. "You realize you better treat her right because I'm liable to sweep her off her feet and take her away from your blond and blue eyed boujee ass."

Quinn tries to hide her smile as she sees Rachel take in the words, her eyes widening as she turns to look at the six foot five tall, bald, Mexican Jamaican Detective with the deep baritone voice and muttonchops. With his arms crossed and pecs puffed out, he was already towering over her wife but its the way he's placed himself, between Rachel and the rest of the room because he can see how nervous she is to be here. Its that protective instinct that highlights that no matter what, he was going to try and ensure Rachel felt comfortable and for that Quinn will forever be grateful.

Her frustration melting away again as she takes in the scene before her, her comeback already ready, "You'll probably have to get in line, but just in case, you should give her your number." His loud raucous laughter at her comeback causes Rachel to join in along with most of the other Detective smiling about. Quinn takes the opportunity to sidle up to Rachel, slipping into her hand as she pulls her close and gets to steal a quick kiss even as laughter still bubbles out.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you but I thought we were going to meet at home?" Quinn's headache receding almost like magic because Rachel is there. "I just need to finish a report and we can go out..wherever you want." The last time Rachel had come to the station was the day after she had got hurt. She had wanted to go in and finish some paperwork but Rachel had insisted that she just rest and came in to collect it for her.

"Yeah..I think maybe we can just go home..order in maybe. I want...I need to tell you something." She can see Quinn's expression morph from happy to worried even if she immediately school's her features, smoothing out the crease in her forehead. "Yes..Absolutely." Quinn's faux cheerful tone so reminiscent of high school when she had tried to hide all her insecurities and fears behind that facade.

Rachel can't help but reach out, her hand gracing Quinn's cheek and finally Quinn actually let's her in as pleading hazel eyes meet her brown ones, and all Rachel sees is fear but at least with that chaser of love and want. Its bracing though she now knows that Quinn's probably scared as well even if they're fearful of different things. "I'll wait downstairs."

"I'll be right down, just don't go without me."

**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 20.12pm**

"When is the surgery scheduled for...I should put in for leave..." Quinn's hand shake as she tries to pour a finger of scotch into the crystal tumbler. She had steeled herself for horrible news, had even wondered if Rachel was going to give her that ultimatum that she knows is still lurking in the back of Rachel's mind. That dictat of choosing between her job and Rachel.

Only right this second, she would gladly take that over the news Rachel had told her. Knowing that Rachel had endured all of it alone while she had been preoccupied with work, makes her feel ill. The alcohol not really settling her stomach but at least giving her something to do with her hands. She downs the amber liquid quickly before pouring another but Rachel's hand stops her.

"Quinn." Its the way Rachel says her name, always like she matters, like everything about her meant something more in parts and altogether. "I'm not going anywhere without you." They haven't talked about how much she really hates Quinn's job or the fact that there was still a slim chance that the cysts could be malignant. Quinn hasn't has yet told her why there's this undercurrent of fear in her eyes all the time. But none of that mattered because just saying the words, articulating that one truth, that they still had a way to go on their journey together. Maybe for now, that would be enough.

**End Pt 5**

 

 


	6. Finding North

******The Civil Wars Pt 6 - Finding North**

_**Draw me a map that I can hold** _   
_**Lines that tell me where to go** _   
_**My head is full of lonely harmonies** _   
_**And questions no one's asking me** _

_**Who's gonna take my hand, show me the way?** _   
_**How long will I have to wait for someday?** _

_**It's not the sky I'm asking for** _   
_**I'm just having trouble finding north** _   
_**I've gone as far as I can go** _   
_**Trying to find something that feels like home** _

**New York University Campus, Washington Square 8.23am**

Its a muggy day that's building up to a scorcher by the time it hits noon or so though Quinn feels decidedly cold. She sees the crime scene ahead and pulls her jacket tighter around her body as she walks towards the yellow tape. The chill she's feeling driven more by the fact she had woken up alone this morning, Rachel's side of the bed long cold and empty. Her only solace being the handwritten note and coffee filled flask she found in the kitchen.

Their talk last night so very sobering and something that had caught her by surprise. The fact that Rachel had wanted a baby, her baby and had done the very Rachel thing of researching the hell out of it. Quinn has no idea what to do with that knowledge because her fear of losing Rachel supersedes any other thoughts in her mind.

She's fully cognizant that Rachel made the right decision to go for the surgery and to finally tell her. But armed with that knowledge now just makes her feel ineffective and angry that she hasn't been there for her wife. Even if Rachel had curled to her side last night, falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat, it had been scary to wake up and not disentangle herself from their intertwined limbs.

She cannot imagine a future without Rachel by her side, being her compass always. She knows that early morning rehearsals have started but waking up and not feeling Rachel next to her had been bracing and scary and wrong and Quinn would do everything in her power to never let that scenario come to pass.

"Detective, you with us this morning?" Reggie's curt greeting pulling her out of her reverie. He's been watching her ever since she exited her vehicle. They're co-workers on the cusp of becoming actual friends. Its a process that entails seeing the worse in humanity coupled with seeing immense bravery in your colleagues. While he does see that in Fabray, he also notices that she's prone to reacting even when she needs to take a step back and assess the situation. It had already got her hurt once and he hopes she learns that lesson soon, even if he has to push her towards it.

"Good morning, Detective Gutierrez, what do we have?" She knows there's been an attack on one of the teaching assistants that took place earlier in the morning. Normally, she would do the interviews after the victims have been treated in the hospital and definitely under better and a less pressurizing environment. But it seems she had been requested though she does not understand why. Quinn's still distracted though as she tries to focus on what she needed to do even if she's thankful that her eyes are shielded behind her sunglasses.

"Sergeant Chen said that the MO would be familiar to you. Her name's Maya Hill. She's a Graduate student at NYU and she was doing some research in the building early this morning when she was attacked. She fought back and managed to lock herself in one of the storerooms on the ground floor. One of the day security Guards noticed signs of a scuffle and found her forty minutes ago." Reggie's eyes narrow as he takes in her demeanour, at least noticing that her shoulders are now squared and she's listening intently to his voice. He does not say more though as he raises his brow and waits.

Quinn sighing as she removes her sunglasses and its only then that he's satisfied that she's finally with him, does he continue. "She's pretty beat up but she's refusing to get into the ambulance to go to the ER. She won't talk to me but she does seem to want to talk to someone. She's in there. Let me show you the way." Its not that these cases are routine and each victim matters but most of the cases blended together for him, his focus solely on catching the perpetrators and he was proud to be damn good at his job. He left the recovery of the victims to other professionals though he can see that Quinn was different. She was empathetic and she always seem to want to do more.

Quinn knows how important the medical treatment and examination was. Ensuring that the victim felt safe and was taken care of was necessary in order to then focus them on getting as much information of the attack that they were willing to share. "I'll talk to her. Make sure she gets treated as well." She takes a breath and squares her shoulders, knowing that this interview was going to be harder on the person she had to talk to than herself and she needed to ensure that she did her job as thoroughly as she could.

She follows him into the Building housing the Skirball Department, not really knowing what to expect until she enters the room to the side, two uniform officers are standing near the entrance but its the woman sitting in the chair that fully grabs her attention. Quinn almost falters in her steps, actually having to tell herself to keep moving forward into the room.

Her hair is lighter and she's probably taller than Rachel despite folding herself into the chair in the corner, but what is obvious is the more than passing resemblance she has to Rachel. The bruises and hand marks so stark against pale skin as are the tear tracks down her cheeks.

For Quinn, its an almost visceral reaction as all her memories of Rachel crying are coalescing in her mind and mingling inextricably with sight of the woman sitting in the corner of room housing the Department of Judaic and Hebrew Literature. The silence that descends is overwhelming but she cannot seem to break it as she makes eye contact with the woman, belatedly noticing that at least her eyes were green.

Its Reggie who finally steps forward and Quinn's immediately snapped back from her semi fugue state when she sees the woman flinch, and curls further around herself. Her protective instincts finally kicking in, "I'm sorry. I know you're Maya Hill and I'm Quinn Fabray, I'm a detective from the 6th and if you're up to it, I would like to ask you some questions and arrange for you to go to the hospital so that you can be treated." Her voice modulated and soft as she slowly makes her way over to where Maya is huddled.

She pulls on a chair and places it next to Maya, before making eye contact with Reggie and indicating with a tilt of her chin that he should leave. Waiting a few more seconds before she settles into the chair, leaning forward, elbows touching her knees and not really looking at Maya but at her clasped hands in front of her.

Its not that Quinn does not want to look at her but she knows that she needs to maintain some distance if she wanted to do her job and she can't do that if she keeps flashing on the fact that the victim had more than a passing resemblance to her wife. Her voice still low but with an almost familiar tone, "Maya, can you tell me anything about your attacker?"

"He wanted me to..." The New York accent is there and the pitch of her voice so very different and for that Quinn would be forever grateful as she lifts her head and turns to Maya slowly nodding as if urging her to continue. "He said that I needed to tell the Detective who would come to take my statement something....He wanted me to tell them...to tell you that the real thing will always be the best."

Maya not comprehending the meaning of the words at all but he had been so insistent even as he had hit her, each punch accompanied by specific instructions. A hit to the side of her head as his other hand roughly grabbed her chin , 'Only talk to the woman Detective, don't talk to any of the men.', a hit to her stomach, "Tell her that the real thing will always be the best.' His hands around her neck, choking her even as he demanded that she repeat his words, pressure only easing when she was close to losing consciousness.

Even now, she's unsure of how she managed to escape. He had been bigger, stronger and determined to hurt her in some way. Only giving her enough time to listen to his careful instructions before viciously attacking her, seemingly enjoying her cries of pain. "He was wearing a baseball cap and a mask...and..and" The tears come as a deluge, hot and sudden and leaves her bereft of words as she starts to shiver uncontrollably.

Quinn's familiar with post traumatic after effects as she quickly shrugs out of her coat and drapes it around Maya's shaking shoulders. "Its ok...Maya. You're safe now and we can talk about this later but we should get you looked at by a doctor and I can inform any family or friends you may want to meet you at the hospital."

Quinn takes the phone Maya thrusts out at her. "My...my sister, if you could call her...her names Maria...I...he wanted me to tell only you.." Quinn looks askance at the segue, her expression not giving anything away but open enough to hopefully be trusted with the information.

"He only wanted me to speak to a woman Detective..that's weird right?...and his message..about the real thing...he said I wasn't the real thing...do you understand any of it?" The anguish in her voice almost palpable even as she grabs at Quinn's hand, trying to stress her disbelief at what had occured to her.

Only Quinn's putting all of the pieces together in her head and the cold she had been feeling when she first got here is nothing compared to the absolute sheer terror freezing her right now as she fumbles with the phone in her hand. "Maya, we're going get you to the hospital now and I'll be there to help you. I'm going to get the other Detective to go and fetch your sister. "Are you ok with that?" Her voice is wavering even as she tries to project calm, her hands clenched tightly so that they wouldn't shake.

Only when Maya nods and let's go of Quinn's hand does she rush out, telling Reggie what to do but not sharing anything more because she does not know how to explain any of it but at least and more importantly, she knows that she needs to convince Rachel to go back to Lima with her dads after their visit this week.

**New York, Broadway, Mike's Antique and Surplus Precinct, 13.02pm**

She's on her lunch break and usually that meant practicing for the afternoon rehearsal or doing a test run for her wardrobe from the show. The almost frantic call from Quinn earlier still has her slightly on edge. But Quinn being Quinn didn't give away anything, just wanting to know where she would be today and promising to meet her at the theatre when she finished in order to accompany her home later.

What she does get out of the call and the conversation yesterday was this need to really understand Quinn's job and she knows the only way she can do that is to ask the right people, the difficult questions.

Questions that she knows Quinn would answer though she would inadvertently try and censor parts that she knows would upset her. It was so protective and she understood the sentiment behind it. However, she's also coming to the realisation that Quinn loves her beyond reason and she's exactly the same way. And there was a distinct possibility, that that kind of love was not always healthy for them because it impeded the difficult discussions that maybe they should be having.

Last night was a good start and Rachel knows she has to do a bit more research before she has another talk with her wife. "Hey Mike." She sounds part hopeful and part fretful and she can see that he picks up on it immediately as he puts down his inventory ipad and wheels himself over to her, arms already outstretched in offer of a much needed hug.

She remembers giving Artie these kinds of hugs, bending down to wrap her hands around him. This time though Mike's much bigger and her arms don't make it all the way around though his do as he engulfs her completely and she releases the sigh she's been holding inside since she left Quinn sprawled asleep in their bed this morning.

"So what brings the very talented and beautiful Ms Berry to my neck of the woods today? Did she not like the medal?" He wants to see that Rachel Berry smile, the one that can light up a room and hopes that whatever's plaguing her, he'll be able to help in some way.

"She loved it...Its hanging along with the cross she wears. Thanks for finding it..." She trails off, unsure of where to start but knowing that she's brimming with all these questions and that the answers were going to be difficult and maybe scary and in some cases impossible to accept.

"And.." For such a big man, his voice comes across gentle and engendering so much trust.

"Could I ask you some questions...about when you were on the force...about how your family dealt with.." She looks at him in the wheelchair and knows that she would accept Quinn in every which way and all she wants is to have Quinn come home to her and not be afraid every time she leaves, that it would be the very last time she sees Quinn.

"How they dealt with that possibility that you could get hurt or worse...how you dealt with it.." She looks down at her wringing hands, the gesture reminiscent of her high school dilemma of never being able to connect with Quinn and help her in any way she could.

She sees his expression morph from understanding to closed and she almost turns to leave but his words stop her as does his gesture to take a seat. "I'll answer what I can but..but there's some answers that you need to get from Quinn. We all join the force for different reasons, you should ask her for her reason, you don't have to understand it but it may help....And we stay because we can see the difference we make everyday...and when bad things happen..we'll, there's nothing else we can do so we endure."

Rachel nods, moving to the chair he's gesturing to and settling down as best she can even if she knows she'll never be truly comfortable with the subject matter such that it shows in how tense her body is. "How?"

He sighs as he wheels himself over, remembering those first few days in the hospital, the hope turning to anger and then despair in quick succession before finally settling on acceptance. "Rachel, if you keep expecting something bad to occur..and if it does, you'll never get over it.."

"She's my compass..you know..my home and every time she leaves, I'm so scared I won't see her again..and it just doesn't go away and now all I think of is what if..and when ....and how lost I'm going to be..."

"So tell her that but Rachel.." Mike trail off, unsure if it's his place to tell her this although he can see her struggling with all of it. Though its the way she looks at him, wide eyed and needing some form of direction.

"You're the one whose afraid here and its a valid fear but you shouldn't project it on Quinn. She probably has her own fears to deal with..You need to work through it, hopefully with her help and it should get better."

"Just like that?"

"No.."he shakes his head, "After the accident, my wife..she left me because I could not let go..I didn't want to. I wanted what I couldn't have anymore and I ignored what was in front of me. You both need to want to."

Rachel finally realising that high school had been easy for them. Despite what seemed like insurmountable odds, she would have done anything for Quinn, had done so much and in the end Quinn had reciprocated. She had been fearless then and she needed to go back to being that Rachel, to being there for Quinn now and knowing that Quinn would always reciprocate.

**End Part 6**


	7. Same Old, Same Old

**The Civil Wars Pt 7**

**Same Old Same Old**

**I wanna leave you**

**I wanna lose us**

**I wanna give up**

**But I won't**

**I wanna miss this**

**I want a heartache**

**I wanna run away**

**But I won't**

**'Cause do I love you**

**Oh, I do**

**And I'm going to 'til I'm gone**

**But if you think that I can stay in this**

**same old, same old**

**Well, I don't**

**I don't**

**_I'm gonna break things_ **

**_I'm gonna cross the line_ **

**_And make you wake up_ **

**_'cause you won't_ **

**_I'm gonna name names_ **

**_I'm gonna call us out_ **

**_I'm gonna say it_ **

**_If you won't_ **

**_Do I love you_ **

**_Oh, I do_ **

**_And I'm going to 'til I'm gone_ **

**_But if you think that I can stay in this_ **

**_Same old, same old_ **

**_Well, I don't_ **

**_Oh I don't wanna fight_ **

**_But I'll fight with you_ **

**_If I have to, if I have to_ **

' ** _Cause do I love you_**

**_Oh, I do_ **

**_And I'm going to 'til I'm gone_ **

**_But if you think that I can stay in this_ **

**_Same old, same old_ **

**_Same old, same old_ **

**_Well, I don't_ **

**_I don't_ **

**New York, Broadway, Helen Hayes Theatre, 17.56pm**

She's been singing her heart out, each word, each lyric heavy with meaning and coated with so many complex emotions. This is what she's been born to do, convey everything on the stage, make real what was only on the page or in the minds of musical geniuses. Using her own experiences and building on them to communicate everything to the audience. Its scary and freeing at the same time and Rachel does not hold back as she sings her heart out even if it's just a rehearsal.

Quinn's mesmerised as she stands in the wings, the way Rachel's voice carries, even in high school, she had seen that brilliant spark, so much talent and emotions all packed in that tiny frame. And to be surrounded by that kind of love each day, that made her the luckiest person ever.

Initially, all of it had scared Quinn because Rachel emoted every single thing she was feeling, it showed in all her expressions, facial and physical. It bleed through her voice each and every time she reached out. It made Quinn so uncomfortable then because, it made it realise that she had felt nothing for so long, had felt like nothing and all Rachel had done was to remind her that she could feel.

All those messy feelings, the ones she's pushed down so deep inside that they manifested in the most cruel of ways. Those feelings for Rachel had freed her, had made her who she was today. Listening to Rachel right at this moment, expressing herself so openly makes her remember the person that wanted to be better, not only for Rachel but for herself as well. She needs to be that person right now and put aside her own fears.

She was always so worried about not being good enough for Rachel and even if that underlying fear is still there, there are bigger external fears that's looming over them. Not only dealing with Rachel's medical issue but this external threat that she's almost sure involves her wife in some nefarious way.

Quinn had always promised herself that her relationship with Rachel, the life they had built together was always going to come first. It was an implicit promise made which colored all of her decisions. She knows that Leroy had always cautioned her against blindly putting Rachel first, highlighting that a true relationship needed to stand the test of time and any sacrifice could not only be one sided. Both of them had to work at it though it wasn't going to be too difficult if they truly loved each other.

Even her decision to join the force, was steeped in her belief that she was doing the right thing for the both of them and that Rachel would learn to see that. The fight it initiated never really going away, just subsumed by their love and agreement to still be together. The words exchanged in the heat of their anger forever embedded in her psyche but in the end they had still moved forward together. Only Quinn's beginning to realise that even if she wasn't hiding her love any more, hiding her insecurities from Rachel and Rachel hiding her fears from Quinn was hurting the both of them. Their fight never really resolving but festering over the years.

* _Quinn's been standing outside the door to their apartment for about fifteen minutes and counting. She's almost too frightened to go through it and confront the possibility that its over for her and Rachel. That their love could not withstand this one test, this decision that she has made because she thought that Rachel would understand._

_She takes a deep breath, finally making up her mind and screwing up her courage, pushing the door open and losing every ounce of strength she has when she sees the suitcases by the wall. Her hand reaching out, palm outstretched and pressed to the wall to gain some sort of purchase. She spots Rachel, standing by their room door, still in the clothes she had been wearing though her coat is draped across her arm._

_Please." One word, ripe with meaning and encompassing all her hopes and fears, laid bare. Asking Rachel to stay and listen, to give her this one last chance and allow her to salvage their future. And the silence dividing them is almost unbearable but Quinn remains stoic, her eyes focused on Rachel, on how she holds herself as of she's in pain, of that shellshocked look on her face. She feels the same way, and all she wants is one last chance._

_That please reminds her of another, a long time ago, of Quinn needing her to say the words, to grant her permission. In the confines of her car, sitting next to Quinn and suddenly getting her faith back because she thinks that maybe this time, it was right for the both of them. A small but pivotal step in their journey. She had found faith then, despite all the hurt she had been subjected to, despite expecting Quinn to never reciprocate her love. So she makes her way to the forest green armchair and sits down, looking at Quinn, hoping that they'll get through this impasse._

_She knows its been hours and they're been circling around the same arguments ending in raised voices until they catch themselves, not wanting to go to that end place, that line in the sand that they both do not want to cross. "I really wasn't hiding the application from you, I just wasn't sure if I was going to get accepted._

_"You made the decision and you never told me...I know plans change, Quinn. I just...there's a reason why you didn't tell me..You wanted this even if I..." She pauses, trying to find the right words, "Even if I don't think its the best decision for the both of us."_

_"I start training in a week...I could...if you..." Quinn would do it for Rachel, if she asked. It would fracture them but fractures would heal in time. She cannot fathom any other recourse except to try and bridge the gap that she sees growing between them. Her voice anguished even if she tries to school her expression as does Rachel._

_"But joining the force is what you want. You sat for all the tests, interviews...you want this." Rachel's voice is hollow and she knows that she's lost her way and there was only one thing she could do. "I won't tell you not to do this...even if I want to..it has to be your choice."_

_"And if I chose to go for the training...will you still be here?" Quinn's been so afraid to ask the question, her eyes constantly drifting to the packed bags by the door throughout their argument. But she's needs to know how much she's broken them and if there was even a remote possibility of fixing it in someway._

_Her voice has always been this instrument that she could depend on to convey anything and everything. She's brought joy and tears to Quinn's eyes and right now, she knows that she could decimate her with one word. Rachel's fully cognizant the that self preservation was a Darwinian trait embedded in everyone including herself, a necessity in order to ensure survival. Her bags are packed and her dads will take her in but she just can't do it to Quinn. She would rather swallow all her own fears than hurt Quinn. So instead of forcing the issue and trying to resolve it in some other way, she just nods. The impasse still there but its her choice to ignore it in favor of being with Quinn.*_

Rachel sees her in the wings, eyes closed and swaying to the music and it hits her how beautiful her wife is and how much she loves her, sometimes beyond reason. Why she stays though is because she knows that they belong together. Even if they seem apart, in thoughts or actions or like their current predicament of going around in circles. Not wanting to collide and force the issues that both of them have been grappling with.

She walks towards the wings, going on her toes to plant a kiss on Quinn, happy to see surprised hazel eyes staring back before feeling Quinn's arms go around her, tightening as the kiss deepens. She's always had this fantasy of wanting to do this during high school after one of the New Direction victories. Had seen Santana kiss Brittany while Finn twirled her around on stage and Quinn hugged Mercedes. The impetus then so strong that she had rushed off stage, finally realising that she had developed feelings for Quinn and not really able to do anything as she watched Quinn almost fall apart.

It's something she won't repeat, "You sounded worried on the phone..I know you think I don't want to hear about your job but I want to know you're ok and if you're not, I want to help even if...even if all I can do is to hold you or sing or just listen...Quinn.." She gets cut off as Quinn kisses her again.

Its what she needed to hear, her overactive imagination already throwing up so many somber and scary scenarios of Rachel being hurt or worse and all she wants is to hold on and never let go, she wants to whisk her away and protect her from everything. Only Quinn knows Rachel now, had memorised her body and soul. She had to tell her the truth, all of it and they had to figure out what to do together. There really was no other way.

**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 21.04pm**

"You think I'll leave you..." Rachel finally understands that underlying look of fear she sees in Quinn's eyes, that sense of uncertainty driving all her actions, each touch, each kiss, all their intimate moments minutely changed because to Quinn, it might be their last.

"Eventually...yes." She had steeled herself for this outcome. It was never an inevitability in her mind until the past year. Always figuring that their love, their bond was stronger because it was forged by such passion. It could withstand any test except perhaps the dangers of her job.

"And now you want me to.." This is the part she needs more clarity on. Her father's are due soon, along with Puck and she wants to be able to present a united front to them, not hide their issues but at least work through them together.

"I may be reading into all of it and I still need to follow up but she looked...she looked like you and when I saw her..hurt, all I could think of was what if...and it ..I. What if..you're a target?" She feels like she's grasping at straws but there's this inkling that somehow, Rachel was being targeted, that she was being drawn into one of her investigations.

"So you want me to give up the show and go back with my dads?" She can see Quinn struggling with all of it, her fears physically manifesting as her hands shake, her body tenses up and her eyes reflecting such uncertainty and dread. So she gets how serious all of it actually is and wants to give it the gravity it requires. However, what Quinn was asking for seems too drastic.

"Yes...maybe..." She expected surprise and to be brushed off but Quinn can see Rachel taking in her words, mulling over them, giving them weight and it finally calms her. "I can't lose you."

"So your decision is to send me away?" Somehow there's a wry smile behind the words, an ability to try and defuse the heavy tension permeating through the apartment. Rachel finally reaching out, her palm open and waiting, though not for long as Quinn takes her hand, pulling her close. Rachel's head tucked under her chin and her arms encasing her, feeling her heart beating in her chest.

"I want you safe, always."

"So catch this guy..you think its you know its him so work with Steve, tell Reggie. Get as much information as you can and put him in jail where he belongs."

"Its not that easy.."

"Babe..nothing is easy but its what you do. You love your job and you're good at it. And even if I don't see it..I understand what it means to love something so much. I understand what it means to love you." She's finally realizing that there was really nothing that was going to make her leave. "I'm not leaving and I'm never leaving you, I won't but we need to change this pattern we've fallen into."

Quinn nods slowly, not fully agreeing just yet but understanding that they've finally broken through their impasse. "No keeping things from each other..." She sees Rachel nod at her words and it emboldens her to continue. "You have to tell me if I..when I screw up and give me time to fix it.."

"No, Quinn. You can't fix everything yourself and I do need to tell you when it gets too much for me. But we just need to talk to each other more, share what we're both afraid of like..like the fact that I'm terrified about my cysts and what if they're.." She can't even say the words.

"Then we deal with that together, treatments and research about what else we can do.."

"And you're terrified.."

"That you'll leave me when you realize I'm just me...and that you'll get hurt somehow.."

"Like I said, I'm not leaving you and I don't plan on getting hurt."

**LaGuardia Airport, Queens, New York 10.20am**

He's been following them since they left their apartment. Both lost in their own thoughts but seemingly so in sync as they walk hand in hand. He expects furtive glances and nervousness considering he knows that his message has been delivered.

He wants to see fear and uncertainty in their gait, a rift between them that he'll use to his benefit. But he sees none of it as the Detective leans in for a kiss, a serene smile on her face. Her hand still in a brace and it reminds him that she has a temper and he needs to exploit that next.

Their happiness growing as they meet their visitors and the scene makes him sick, the two men together and the younger one with the too long hair. Their unbridled happiness just making his anger grow exponentislly that he nearly gives himself away when the brunette looks in his direction. Turning away just in time though he knows that she's recognized him in some way, hosw basebqall cqp again pulled downas he swiftly walks into the crowd.

"Rach.."Puck's arm going around her shoulder as Quinn's sandwiched between Leroy and Hiram. "You ok?"

"Yeah..I just thought I.."she trails off, the man already lost in the crowd and it probably was just the same baseball cap and not the same man.

Quinn takes her hand even as she give Puck a peck on the cheek, "What did you think?"

"Nothing.. ..I..maybe we could stop for brunch near the theatre before we go home?" She's still staring into crowd.

"Sure." She sees Puck give her a look and she shruggs her shoulders, not sure of why Rachel's distracted but understanding that it was probably better to have the discussion about Rachel's upcoming surgery in a restaurant where decorum would hopefully mean less tears even if she knows the level or worry and questions would remain the same.

**End Pt 7**


	8. Eavesdrop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I was having a bout of uncertainty about my writing and the pacing. I hope the chapter makes up for it and would be great to hear if you think the pacing and characterizations are ok.

**The Civil Wars Pt 8**   
**_Eavesdrop_ **

__**I don’t want to talk right now**   
**I just want your arms wrapped around**   
**Me in this moment**   
**Before it runs out**

__**Oh, don’t say that it’s over**   
**Oh, no say it ain’t so**   
**Let’s let the stars watch**   
**Let them stare**   
**Let the wind eavesdrop**   
**I don’t care**   
**For all that we’ve got, don’t let go**   
**Just hold me**

__**I can’t pull you closer than this**   
**It’s just you and the moon on my skin**   
**Oh, who says it ever has to end**   
**Oh, don’t say that it’s over**   
**Oh, no say it ain’t so**

__**Let’s let the stars watch**   
**Let them stare**   
**Let the wind eavesdrop**   
**I don’t care**   
**For all that we’ve got, don’t let go**

  
**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 6.24am**

"How have you been?" Leroy's deep voice cuts across her thoughts as Quinn busies herself with the coffee maker. The generic nature of the question undermined by the seriousness of his tone. She can see the worry lines already take root around his eyes, the heaviness he carries because he's worried about Rachel and wants to know how much he needs to worry about her as well.

He's her father now as much as Rachel's and she does not want to lie to him but she also does not want to force him to take sides for a problem that she had caused. She let's out a sigh, the only indication that she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders even as she pours out two cups of coffee. Luckily, Leroy seems to innately understand her reticence as he takes one of the cups of coffee she has in her hand before steering her to the table.

"Its ok to be afraid and even angry..." he sees her hands in fists by her side and wonders if she knows she wears her emotions so openly now, a trait he only use to see in Rachel but one that Quinn wears now as well. "Hiram and I were separated once.." Its a story he's never shared with Rachel, a blip in their otherwise amazing life together. A bump he had created and for the life of him, he still does not understand how Hiram managed to forgive him and take him back.

Quinn almost chokes on her sip of coffee, the words flitting through her morning haze and it just does not compute in her head. What she's been witness to with the Berrys' had always pointed to a strong bond, one she's wanted to emulate with Rachel. She hears Leroy's chuckle at her response though his voice is serious. "I made a mistake early on in our relationship. I was arguing a case out of town. Opposing counsel was intriguing..he..." Leroy pauses, the memory still so fresh in his mind, not of the man he had cheated with but of Hiram's face when he had confessed.

Quinn stares at him, eyes wide even as her head shakes in denial and he's unsure whether she does not believe his words or does not want to hear them. "You love Hiram." Her words said with so much certainty.

"I do but it still didn't stop me for making one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I didn't realise it at the time...how I could have lost so much, all that happiness, Rachel..you..." He sees so much of himself in Quinn, her stubbornness even outstripping Rachel's and her devotion to his daughter so very clear. "People make mistakes and we learn and hopefully move on. Both of you have to move on from this. Not ignore it or push it down or away but confront it head on..."

"What if..." Quinn's thoughts spiral to worse case scenarios, images of Rachel crying and bags packed and placed against the wall, memories of an empty bed and a quiet apartment. "I don't want her to be scared all the time..scared because of her health..scared because she thinks my job is dangerous.."

He sees so much of himself in Quinn, the stubborn set of her jaw, to her need to be binary, right or wrong, black or white despite needing to see the gray. Hiram tempered that trait for him and he knows Rachel does the same for Quinn. "So what are you going to do about it? Give up on her? Quit your job?.."

Both outcomes quite possible as Quinn stares at him, uncertainty mirrored in her face even as he looks on encouragingly, knowing that she'll get to where she needs to be. Her hands gripping the mug so tightly that he sees the white of her knuckles. His faith in her never wavering as he sees her slowly exhale, her hands only slightly loosening their death grip on the coffee cup. Her words finally prying them free, "I'd die first before I'd leave her...so I could..."

There are a myriad of ways that she could still do good, other ways to reach out and help people besides her job. It would be different and perhaps not as thrilling for her but it would remove those worry lines from Rachel's face. "I could transfer to a desk job..."

"Do you remember what I said to you when you told me you wanted to give up Yale for NYU?" That had been a defining moment for him. To see someone who loved his daughter as much as he and Hiram did. It was bracing and heartwarming which is why he enjoyed messing with Quinn a bit then.

"Basically.." She smiles at the memory, remembering how mortified she's had felt at first, trying to get the words out and sounding so damn earnest. She was grateful though that Leroy had taken pity on her in the end. "Basically, you told me to grow up and understand that growing up entailed living my own life and not be what others wanted..what I thought Rachel wanted. That if we loved each other enough,we would be able to be together even if we were apart." Those early years were not easy but they had managed and flourished nonetheless. Their problems then so minuscule compared to what they were facing currently.

_Quinn has two midterm papers due and is more than a bit behind on her reading assignments but it was Rachel's turn to visit her and all she can think of is how happy she is and how much happier she will be with an armful of Berry to keep her company the whole weekend. She's already into her sophomore year and counting down the days until they moved in together somewhere in between their two schools. It was going exactly as Rachel had planned, her blue folder sitting on Quinn's shelf, just waiting for the right time._

_She glances at her clock and wonders if she has time for a quick run before heading to New Haven Station to pick Rachel up. Though calling it a pick up might be a stretch considering she was just there to carry Rachel's luggage as they trade the two or so kilometres back to her dorm. Rachel had offered to get a car for the both of them but she really did not want to accept anything from Rachel apart for her love. They had argued all of five minutes on the issue before Rachel had given up in a huff or so she thought._

_Quinn knows that Rachel had wanted to help. She didn't like the fact that Quinn was juggling two part time jobs while trying to maintain her 4.0GPA and still making time for her. But she just could not bring herself to accept anything from Rachel, not when the brunette already had given her, her trust and so much more. She makes up her mind then to pick up some flowers on her run and if she timed it right, she's get in a good 3 miles before she headed out to the station._

_Quinn gets worried when she does not see Rachel at the station. Her hand grips the flowers so tightly as she strains to see through the small crowd of people even if she knows that she did not see Rachel step off the train. Her heart beating even faster than where she had gone for her run. That distant fear of losing Rachel racing back up her spine. She does not even register the car honking until she hears one of the men standing nearby curse at the noise._

_When she looks up, she's surprised to see Rachel waving at her from a baby blue Prius. She puts everything together in the time it takes for Rachel to exit the car and jump into her arms. The kiss is a godsend even if her mind is in turmoil. "I've missed you so very much" each word punctuated with a kiss from Rachel._

_Quinn hates herself when her words steal that smile from Rachel even if she tries to temper them with a soft tone, "I don't need a car..so please tell me its just a rental for this weekend" Its the wat Rachel's eyes don't meet hers as she glances away, biting her bottom lip that gives it away as Quinn just sighs. She wonders if Rachel would ever just listen to her and not opt to make these big gestures that still make her somewhat uncomfortable._

_"I just...I really just need you..not a car or help with tuition..Rach, I just really want you because you make me so happy even if I'm tired on my feet and still have to go through another stack of lab reports for Dr. Roberts. I just have to think of you and I'm good to go." The sentiment behind the words so earnest that it amazes Rachel as to how open Quinn had become with her. No longer hiding her emotions or wants and definitely saying just the right thing at the right time._

_To be fair, the car was a gift from her dads. She had been lamenting the train schedules never giving her more time with Quinn and they had surprised her with the car last week. It meant she could drive down right after classes ended on Friday and drive back later Sunday evening. She had contemplated leaving the car for Quinn but knew how stubborn her Girlfriend was and at least she had been right there._

_"My dads surprised me with it last week. I had been complaining about the train schedules not syncing with my classes so they thought this would allow me to spend more time with you..I know you want to be all Miss independent and I am so proud of what you've accomplished..but maybe sometimes it's good to get some help." Rachel knows that Quinn won't ask for it but it didn't mean that she would just let it be either._

_Quinn shakes her head, not in denial of Rachel's words but in that semi exasperated way that indicates that as usual, her Girlfriend was way smarter than she was even if her GPA was higher. She leans in and steals a kiss before heading towards the new car, "So do you think we can get back to my room in under ten minutes?" The alto of her voice drops and the tone is so seductive that Rachel almost knocks her off her feet as she rushes towards the driver's side, leaning over to open the door for Quinn and quickly buckling herself in, engine already started even before Quinn closes her door._

He can see her thinking back to those days, his voice deep but surprisingly gentle as he coaxes her back to the present, "You have grown up so wonderfully and Hiram and I could not ask for a better partner for Rachel." He sees her blinking back at him, hazel eyes reflecting her respect and love she has for him as well as for his daughter. It still makes him feel old but at least brings comfort that he and Hiram had chosen well.

"I think..." She looks at him as if trying to convey something more than just her words, a promise in the making, a vow between the both of them. "I know that I love her and I have to show her that every day but more than just showing her...I will make sure that she's not scared because of my job."

Leroy is tempted to ask her how she intends to keep her promise but the way she holds his gaze and that determine set of her shoulders let's him know that she truly means what she's saying. So her nods before reaching out to clink his coffee mug against hers.

**New York, Broadway, Helen Hayes Theatre, 19.12pm**

"You kind of look like you miss this?" There's a questioning lilt to Rachel's voice as looks at Puck standing in the middle of the stage, hands stuffed deep in his pockets, and staring out at the empty auditorium. She hums a tune that she knows he will remember, singing the first few bars of the song.

He gives her that look that tells her he thinks she equal parts crazy and talented and that he loves her for it. All he see though is his Best Friend smiling at him and all he hears is that song that means probably more to him than she realises. His own voice finally blending with hers as she hits the chorus of Need You Now. The empty space soaking up their voices as their voices blend.

Pick pulling her in for a hug as she finishes the last note, happy to recognise that determined Rachel Berry that not only got him through high school but also got the girl of her dreams in the process. "I missed you." He whispers in her ear even as his arms tighten around her.

Rachel knows he's alluding to more than the fact that they haven't seen each other in over a year. In most of the recent calls they had, he would inevitably bring up the fact that she was sounding less and less like herself. He'd make it sound like a joke or like he was just trying to give her a hard time because she hadn't had time to visit Lima since she got cast on the new role. But deep down they both knew that something had changed.

"I missed me too." She's always been able to be more honest with him than most other people. Maybe it was because he never judged her, even when she was semi stalking Quinn or when she made him eat vegan ice cream. He was her brother from another mother and she knows he will understand that for a while there, she lost a part of herself. "Thank you for coming here."

"You know I'm a sucker for Broadway." Puck pretending to flinch as she punches his arm for his response. "Seriously, Rach...I'll always come if you ask and even when you don't." The accusatory look that he gives her is at least acknowledged.

"Quinn loves me." Her tone in no way defensive but just factual, like knowing that the sun will rise every morning and she will win that Tony eventually.

"I'm not saying she doesn't but you need to look out for yourself too." He does love Quinn because its ingrained in him even if it's just a shadow response borne out of that joint experience of having Beth. However, Rachel's his person, the one who tutored him as much as badgered him into his high school diploma. The one who probably convinced her dads to help consign the loan for his detailing business. "You'd tell me right..." his words making her look up at him.

"If the surgery..if you need..fuc..shit..Sorry.." Rachel immediately taking pity on him and smiles even if her eyes are shining with tears. She knows that he can tell she's scared and she can lean on him as much as she does with Quinn. Only he looks out of his depth and she does not want to scare him so she reaches out her hand.

"Dance with me?" His arms going around her as they sway together lost in their own thoughts. Neither of them noticing the silent observer in the back of the auditorium.

**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 20.33pm**

"Rachel?" Hiram turns to the door, his voice not anxious though he feels a bit unsettled. The meal Leroy had prepared already congealed on the table as his eyes catches Quinn's and he feels Leroy's hand cover his.

"Hey, Dads ...what's..what's wrong? where is everyone?" Her eyes roam across the room, taking in the uneaten meal on the table, cutlery still set and wine unopened. They were all suppose to have dinner and Quinn had promised to bring desert, the cake box in her hand nearly dropping to the floor.

"It's probably nothing but Puck and Rachel haven't come home as yet.." The words almost transporting him back the ten years when he would pace as he waited for Rachel to come home from a date or prom, always just wishing to see that smile and not glistening tears in her eyes. Right now, he's take tears over nothing though.

The both of them hear Leroy leaving another message for Rachel as the unanswered call goes to voicemail. "She did warn us that they take live rehearsals seriously so no phones or distractions.." he hopes he's not grasping at straws though what scares him more is the look on Quinn's face.

He wants to ask her about it, only she whips out her phone, fingers dialing as she chunks the box in her other hand aside. "Gutierrez, can you meet me at the Helen Hayes Theatre?...I'm on my way there but you may get there first.." her hand is gripping the phone so tightly because otherwise, she knows it would shake. But there's absolute clarity in her thoughts even if she can see confusion and fear on Leroy's and Hiram's faces.

It could be absolutely nothing, another run through because Rob was again acting like the would be diva he was and Jake the wunderkind wanted another twelve hour uninterrupted rehearsal. All plausible possibilities but she cannot take a chance, not with Rachel, "My wife..I can't get a hold of her and it's probably nothing.." the words solely meant to calm Hiram and Leroy.

She almost sags with relief when she hears Reggie's response because he does not question, just recognizing that she needs his help. "Thanks. I'm leaving now."

End Pt 8


	9. Sacred Heart

**The Civil Wars Pt 9**

_**Sacred Heart** _

_**Quand je marche dans la rue** _   
_**La rue vers le Sacré-Cœur** _   
_**Je me souviens des promesses** _   
_**Au nom de l’amour** _   
_**Je vais t’attendre là** _   
_**Viendras-tu pour moi?** _   
_**Je vais t’attendre là** _   
_**Seulement toi** _   
_**Tu peux me tenir** _   
_**Jusqu’à ce que le soleil se cache** _   
_**Et embrasse-moi doucement** _   
_**Jusqu’à ce qu’il revienne** _   
_**Je vais t’attendre là** _   
_**Viendras-tu pour moi?** _   
_**Je vais t’attendre là** _   
_**Seulement toi** _   
_**Tu prends peut-être du retard** _   
_**Tu as peut-être raté ton train** _   
_**Tu ne peux peut-être pas me pardonner** _   
_**Les ombres grandissent** _   
_**Et les foules s’effacent** _   
_**Je vais t’attendre là** _   
_**Viendras-tu pour moi?** _   
_**Je vais t’attendre là** _   
_**Seulement toi** _

**New York, Broadway, Helen Hayes Theatre, 21.24pm**

She sees the siren lights of the two police cars reflected back from the windows of the buildings surrounding the theatre. Their sound muted and a few police officers milling about. Her focus though is on the two people out in front of the building. The weight of the unknown and the pervasive fear she had been carrying, finally giving away and Quinn's able to breathe fully for the first time in over an hour.

She had been told that Rachel was okay. Reggie had called her as soon as he had sight of her wife. But by then, Quinn had devolved into panic mode, closed throat and anxious breaths that could only be soothed by seeing Rachel and holding her in her arms. She Parks her car haphazardly, already flinging the door o-en even before it completely stops. Her steps almost faltering until she makes eye contact with Rachel.

"Rach.." The inflection of her voice highlighting that she's a hair's breath away from falling apart. Its something Rachel's completely attuned to. A skill she's picked up over the years. The ability to understand Quinn, entailing all the things she didn't say and the way the timbre of her voice would modulate with the certain words that she did utter. The language of Quinn so ingrained for her that she immediately reaches out, her arms going around Quinn, whispered words shared only between them.

She had almost got a heart attack when the theatre door slammed open and two uniformed police officers entered, guns drawn. One of them had stayed with her and Puck explaining that they were informed of a threat in the area. Reggie had been slightly more verbose, telling her that Quinn felt she was in danger and quickly excusing himself to call her up and inform her otherwise. So Rachel's already predisposed to knowing that Quinn was worried and she needed to ensure her wife understood that she was fine.

Her arms reaching out even as Quinn collides into her. Words of comfort already falling from her lips. "I'm fine...we're ok...baby. Just breathe...we're both ok. I love you." The words flowing over her, calming her and anchoring her once again. Quinn's arms finally tightening around Rachel's waist, her Chin pressing down as Rachel tucks her head there. She still cannot articulate anything, her heart beating hummingbird fast in her chest as the fear coursing through her slowly dissipates.

Her eyes slipping shut as she just focuses on Rachel's warm voice, ignoring the looks she knows she's getting from Reggie and the uniformed officers milling about. She just wants to revel in the moment. Of knowing that Rachel was with her, safe and sound. The spell broken when Reggie's deep voice intervenes. "Detective Fabray...we found a phone jammer and some gum wrappers in the theatre, left stall, last seat, last row, but nothing else..It could have been left months ago or tonight..Nothing to suggest anything untoward.." He's picking his words carefully and can see Quinn struggling to assimilate all of it.

She's always managed to surprise him though as he sees her transformation in seconds, the way her shoulders stiffen and arch minutely backwards. The way her eyes scan the surroundings as she repositions herself next to her wife. And finally, taking that last deep breath as she focuses on her wife again.

Quinn leans forward, inhaling Rachel's scent as she finally reverts to her professional facade. Her hand still holding onto Rachel's even as she turns to Reggie, nodding in his direction before she addresses the officers on the scene. "Thank you for responding. Could you please send over the bagged evidence to the sixth and Detective Gutierrez and I will take it from there. Thanks again." She reaches out to shake their hands, relief evident in her face as she glances back at Rachel.

"You should take your wife home." Reggie can see that Quinn is somewhat torn as she looks around, her posture still tense and her hand restless as it rests uncomfortably on the hidden holster by her side. He's surprised when she shakes her head, her eyes narrowing even as she turns to stride back towards the theatre and where her wife is standing.

"We're missing something.." she throws her words over her should as she strides away, finally stopping in front of Rachel, pulling the brunette into a hug and whispering in her ear. The guy with them chiming in until her sees Quinn shake her head, before walking back towards the theatre. The guy calling out only to have Quinn whirl around, her voice both commanding but ending with a plea to just take Rachel home.

He can hear her wife call after her, voice rough and urgent but she does not stop apart from the answer she throws back over her shoulder, "Please Rachel, just let Pack take you home." Reggie quickly jogging towards her, "Hey, Fabray...wait up.." He can see that she's back in work mode and it throws him considering that he's given her an out to take her wife home and let him close off this aborted investigation.

"Hey.." he reaches out for her hand and is unsurprised when she jerks away, like she's skittish, all her emotions pulled taut. "Come on, Fabray, tell me what do you need?" His voice modulated now, like he's talking to one of his witnesses.

"I feel...I feel like I'm missing something." Quinn knows she sounds distracted as she tries to pinpoint what's keeping her here instead of just bundling Rachel into her car and driving off somewhere outside New York. Her instincts telling her that she needs to protect Rachel and the cell phone jammer was meant to somehow keep them apart. "Can you please accompany them home. Maybe.."

"I'll stay until you return. Deal?" He thrust his hand out, expecting her to shake on it like an old school bet minus the spit. And its just the impetus she needs as she takes his hand in a firm handshake as his previous words keep swirling in her mind."I think..I need to check something out in the theatre. It shouldn't take too long. Tell her I'll be back soon."

She's walked through these doors a number of times in the past few months, always with Rachel and always just taking in the look of utter awe on her wife's face. Even if Rachel was her home, she's known that the theater was Rachel's temple. The first time Rachel had performed at the Helen Hayes was for a charity benefit, the performance one that she will never forget.

_Quinn's a bit surprised to see how nervous Rachel was. It wasn't even her first Broadway show but this particular performance seemed to have her on edge. "Hey..you look.." she doesn't pause for effect but to find just the right adjective to describe the vision that was Rachel Berry._

_Each word reviewed and discarded because it cannot capture the very essence she sees in front of her. So she goes with the physicals as she pulls her wife into a kiss, disregarding the fact that they're standing in the middle of foyer of the theatre and there are reporters and so many other people milling about._

_"What was that for?" Rachel's hushed words trapped between them as she feels Quinn's mouth nibble on her ear. She's so incredibly nervous, not because of the upcoming performance. She's been researching for that purple folder for months now. All her hopes and wishes always so close to spilling out each time she's with Quinn._

_She has one more appointment though, one last test result that the doctor has refused to give her over the phone. She assumes it's just a precaution and all she can think of is how to broach this with Quinn tomorrow after she visits the fertility clinic at Lenox Hill. But that's for tomorrow and all she has now is Quinn's arms around her and this nervous energy building up within that speaks to a future filled with babies and family._

_Quinn's low voice cutting through her cacophonous thoughts, always soothing even if she does not know it, "You don't have to be nervous, Rachel..I love you and every single person here wants to hear that beautiful voice of yours...you are going to be amazing"_

_Her prediction spot on as she sits in the fourth row when Rachel performs. The standing ovation just a reiteration of her earlier words even as she peers back towards the audience and catches a glimpse of Sergeant Chen and his husband, she's heard so much about. Her encore number eliciting a similar response that had made her so proud of her wife even if in hindsight, Rachel had still looked nervous._

_It makes her so angry that she had missed the signs, those little pieces of Rachel that she should have paid attention to, that should have allowed her to guess that Rachel had been hurting and needed her support. She cannot forgive herself for being so self involved like she had not even learnt or grown from that angst filled, angry teenage persona that Rachel had saved her from._

Which was why she's standing in the foyer of of the theatre and not at home, her body curling around Rachel as they drift off to sleep. Quinn's so sure that she will find something that the four officers and Reggie had missed. That niggling thought just scraping beneath her conscious thoughts until it finally coalesces into something and she runs towards the doors leading into the main hall.

Reggie had said gum wrappers along with the cell phone jammer. Wrappers meant plural, it meant if someone had been there chewing gum, the probability of finding a wad of it stuck beneath one of the chairs was high. Used gum meant saliva, it meant the ability to trace the person who had been targeting her and who had been possibly stalking Rachel.

The last row of seats barely illuminated by the lights from the foyer so Quinn uses the light from her phone, shining it toward the last two seats on the left. Trying to picture someone sitting there, silent and watching. Hoping that her hunch is right as she pulls out one of her name cards before sitting in the last seat in the last row.

The seat definitely not visible from the stage but still gives its occupier a view. She sends up a small prayer before bending down to look at the underside of the seats. Her breath almost catching as she sees the wad of gum still a bit shiny with saliva , lodged at the side of the seat to the right. She uses her card to scrape at it before folding it together with the gum safely in between the edges.

She's so focused on the discovery and the knowledge that she has the means to truly protect Rachel, that she does not notice the shadow behind her. The Attack swift and directed as Quinn slumps to the ground unconscious. The evidence in her hand falling to the wayside as her attacker picks her up like she weighs almost nothing. Whistling as he thinks through all his plans that got him here. Ensuring that he finally got ahold of the real thing. She had been his one target from the first time he saw her at Yale, Detective Quinn Fabray was always the one for him. Raymond Bannon does not look back as he disappears through the back entrance, holding his prize close.

  
**New York, Hell's Kitchen, West 39th Street, 22.57pm**

She can feel Puck's eyes on her but she's still angry so she won't look directly at him. "Rach..." his voice deceptively soft as he reaches out, his hand placed on top of hers, his fingers curling around her smaller ones. He needs her to know that she was always going to come first for him and even more so when Quinn gives him the same instructions.

"She'll be home soon...so maybe you should just rest a bit." He can clearly see that she's exhausted, fatigue colouring her features even as she struggles to hide her yawn. However, her stubbornness tends to also shine through as she shakes her head before pulling her hand away.

"I should have waited for her. We didn't need to come home. She looked so.." Wrecked, scared, lost, all the adjectives fit but somehow still not capturing that look she saw on Quinn's face just a split second before they made eye contact. It's somewhat sense memory for her, the pain of knowing that the one you love was not there to love you back.

She had carried that weight for so many months in high school and seeing it reflected on Quinn's face even just for those few seconds, it makes her feel like throwing up. "Can you just please check with Detective Gutierrez if she's on her way?"

"You don't have to give him such a hard time." LeRoy's deep voice holding a hint of reprimand that surprises her. Only when she turns to look at him, what she sees suddenly reminding her of all the time that has passed. He's always looked distinguished, his greying temples giving him a debonair look that she know's her daddy had fallen for. However, even if he still looks so very handsome, he all looks so much older than what she remembers.

She's been so caught up with her own life and problems that she forgot that she needed to cherish any time she could spend with her dads. She wants them in her life forever even if she intrinsically understands that there would never be enough time spent. "I'm sorry...I missed you." She can see his eyebrows raise at her words and that small smirk almost forming so she quickly continues, "I'm not just saying that...I know you and daddy want to move to Florida and I want you to be happy and Quinn and I will try and spend time with you or at least keep up on daily calls..I promise."

She feels like their little girl again when his arm goes around her, pulling her close and she can breathe in that mixture of smells of leather, breath mints and dad. That feeling intensifying as she feels her daddy's arms join in the hug. Hiram not even trying to hide his sniffling.

Rachel wishing that Quinn was with her so that she could also bask in Hiram and LeRoy's love for them. Its always been her wish that Quinn could have experience this kind of support growing up. Judy actually still trying in her own way to form a connection even if it's more to assuage her own guilt than to show her daughter unconditional love.

She sees Puck hovering in the background, almost looking forlorn as his hand squeezes the back of his neck and he rolls his shoulders. He does not hesitate when she beckons him to join them. "Thanks for...thank you." Its all encompassing for her because she knows that even if he has his own life and business, he 's always made up excuses to spend at least one meal a week with her dads. He's even dropped by Quinn's mom's house just to check every now and then.

Puck has never felt like they left him behind but more like their link to family. "Don't mention it. He's trying to get hold of Quinn...she's probably on her way..." his words so innocuous until he sees Detective Gutierrez step out of the kitchen area, his face grim. He wants to stop time, to stop his words, only he's just a tad too slow. So he settles for the next thing as he helps to brace Rachel's slumping form as she assimilates the Detective's words.

"We're not sure where Quinn is. Her car's still at the theatre but she's not inside or nearby."

**End Pt 9**


End file.
